End of an era

Two things came to an end recently, the obvious one being Game of Thrones (GOT), but the other is no less significant. I'm lucky in that I've been born in a time where I've grown up with a few cultural constants in my life. My brothers were of the Star Wars generation, which at the time was a cultural revolution, no hyperbole involved. No one thought it could happen again, but it did. I was the Lord of the Rings generation, which was extended with The Hobbit films. I much prefer being in this generation as, for a start, they are far better written! They became another cultural touchpoint. But arguably, both of these franchises have been far surpassed by the MCU (Marvel Comic Universe) generation. I may have been an adult by that time, but comics hark back to childhoods and the geeks had by now inherited the earth, when they were sneered at with Star Wars. Now there is the Game of Thrones generation. It may be a TV series rather than a film series, and there are quite a few cultural constants of that kind which escaped the echo chamber of their audiences such as Doctor Who, Lost and 24, but it has had a far reaching impact, not Harry Potter level impact though, mainly because children can't watch it!

The Dark Hedges, Northern Ireland

Cultural constants, cultural phenomenons, cultural touchpoints, whatever you want to call them are important because they become the through-line of our lives. Cultural constants have to surpass their viewers, meaning even people, the general populous, who don't watch it or even engage with it know more than they want to about it. Today, they become memes. This may seem frivolous, but it means they have been taken out of context, while remaining an in-joke for those in the know, and they have become a wider phenomenon. When you literally grow up with something or it becomes the background to a major period in your life, your attachment to it is permanently embedded. There is a longer post in this.

Map of Westeros

Attachment to cultural constants mean it's all the more painful when they come to an end. When pop bands split up, young people sob in the streets because it's like a rug being pulled from under you, a rock has been taken away, the foundations removed that you had been unconsciously relying on. Even years afterwards, when you thought you had moved on from it all, you can still be affected by it. For instance, when Stephen Gately from Boyzone died, I was very emotional for days. I hadn't listened to one of their songs since I was a teenager when I listened to their albums on repeat, but with his death, it felt like a piece of my childhood had gone with him.

Jon Snow Pop! Vinyl figurine

The difference with Star Wars, the MCU and Game of Thrones is they will continue, in a different guise of course in the form of prequels, sequels with new characters, books, TV series and on to a new phase. Allowing the audience the time to theorise, to talk amongst themselves, to band together created a cultural juggernaut in Game of Thrones as it ensured they could experience something collectively, even if it's online. Online communities are powerful in creating an upswell in audience loyalty, just ask Supernatural fans. When that series comes to an end after 15 seasons next year, I'm sure I will have to release my feelings as the fans have become family, as well as the awesome cast.

The Evenstar pendant

Talking about releasing feelings, I was still at school when the first Lord of the Rings film came out and I was in the grip of crippling anxiety. I had a panic attack during the moment the hobbits were being sniffed out hiding under a tree. I take it as a blessing in disguise as it was my friend's birthday; I wouldn't have gone out of choice. I read the books, saw The Fellowship of the Ring at home on DVD and went to the cinema the next year to see The Two Towers as a hardcore fan and had no panic attack as I knew what was coming, even though it was darker. I wear the evenstar pendant every day to symbolise my proud geekdom. As one film came out every year at Christmas, it became tradition, adding to the affection of its audience. With The Hobbit films, that was continued and had an in-built fanbase, not least because there was a returning director and returning actors, screenwriters and crew. No wonder New Zealand has become such a popular destination; it feels like home to so many.

Hobbit house

However those trilogies only lasted 3 years each. The MCU films officially started in 2003 with the first Iron Man film and through 23 films have ended, that phase at least, with The Avengers: Endgame, spanning 16 years. This is a major period in anyone's life. The characters appeared in each other's films, all reuniting in The Avengers films and one Captain America film. This adds to the feeling of connection. It also spawns the need to see and know everything; the difference between one or two people staying after the credits of the first films to see tiny, often funny, inessential sequences, to the latter films where practically everyone stayed, was tremendous. What was even better were the through-lines throughout all the films: the in-jokes, continuity sequences, repeated quotes, background references and recurring minor characters. These rewarded loyal viewers. Two such characters got their own TV series: Agent Carter for Peggy and Agents of SHIELD for Phil Coulson, even bringing him back from the dead. The fan affinity for these people generated such a reaction, they created the environment where it was untenable if they weren't seen again. This habit was paramount in the Endgame finale with them going back in time to see the previous films from another angle, quite literally. It was like a greatest hits, a reunion concert and farewell tour all in one.

Stan Lee RIP

Everything has to end and we do have to say farewell, but that doesn't mean it's forever. As cultural institutions have such a big impact, they stay in memories and can be recalled for a nostalgia fix or by rewatching. But they won't be new. That is why when they return, decades after in Star Wars', Indiana Jones' and Doctor Who's cases, it is a big thing, unless they alienate their audience like George Lucas did with the remastering of the original Star Wars trilogy and the much maligned prequels and the terrible Crystal Skull Indy film. The Hobbit trilogy had its naysayers, but ultimately it was a success and didn't ruin the legacy of The Lord of the Rings. Game of Thrones has alienated at least some of its fans, which may impact the prequel series. To me, the GOT finale was satisfying though. They must have a soothsayer on their payroll, knowing what people would say about the final season and not only justify, but affectionately mock the shortcomings. It seemed to address all the criticisms the season and especially the penultimate episode incited, explaining Dany's actions, proving Arya's power, punishing Jon's weakness, validating Bran's status and even showing compassion to Ghost, while concluding the others' storylines. As Tyrion put it, “No one is very happy, which means it's a good compromise."

San Juan de Gaztelugatxe, Bakio

So, will something else come along to take over our lives and become another cultural phenomenon that we will forever remember? Never say never. They have been happening for as long as national communication has been capable. I'm sure Shakespeare had a major impact in his time, but if social media had existed, think how much further his reach would have been. Charles Dickens was the talk of the nation when his work was serialised in periodicals. But in the age of intangible, ephemeral communication, I wonder if today's cultural touchpoints will have as lasting an impact.

35 fictional boyfriends

It's my birthday and I'm 35. So I've written a special blog post for the occasion. My great loves in my life have always been from books, TV programmes and films. This has meant I have had many fictional boyfriends in my lifetime.

Fictional boyfriends have allowed me to get close to men when, in real life, my anxiety hasn't let me get close to anyone as my fight or flight kicks in for some reason; you can't run away from fictional boyfriends, throw up in front of them or simply not try due to literally paralysing fear. They have also given me the opportunity to date them when I watch them on TV, on the big screen or read about them. You can give up on them, but, true story, apart from panic attacks, I have never left the cinema, not seen a TV series to its end or not finished a book. To be perfectly honest, fictional boyfriends may be the reason I have never had a boyfriend; no one can live up to them!

So, if you know anyone who complements my anxiety-prone nature, who is witty, laidback and patient, loves books, TV and films; he'll have to be able to get all my references; has a bit of an edge, thinks deeply and will challenge me, set me up!

Disclaimer: This is the unashamed, non-guilty pleasure and unedited, while also edited a lot, list of all my fictional boyfriends past and present. They have all played a significant part in my fictional romantic life from an early, perhaps too early, age right up to now. Some were of their time, some came at the right time and some are timeless. I have tried not to be swayed by actors, although I did go through phases of liking certain people.

Jordan Catalano

Leon

I didn't include: Jared Leto's Jordan Catalano from My So-Called Life (too much of a cipher, despite being sooo pretty); Burt Ward's Robin from the 60s Batman (one of my first TV crushes, but don't think it was romantic); Ross Poldark (I can't have two Aidan Turner characters, he leaves his love alone too often and he's even worse in the books); Henry Ian Cusick's Desmond from Lost (all of that cast is sullied by the final episode, but what a lovely Scottish accent and such a lovable character); Jean Reno's Leon from Leon/The Professional (despite being sweet, sensitive and able to look after himself, he does kill people); David Bowie's Goblin King Jareth from Labyrinth (too disturbing, but caused many a teenage awakening for an entire generation of boys and girls); the bad boys from The Breakfast Club (Judd Nelson's Bender), Rebel Without a Cause (James Dean's Jim Stark) and Eoin Macken's Gwaine from BBC's Merlin (too difficult to be around); the antiheros from A Discovery of Witches (it's only because of Matthew Goode's portrayal of Matthew Clairmont that I'm even mentioning him as he's sooo obsessive and controlling), House (Hugh Laurie, too petty and gloomy), The Mentalist (Simon Baker's Patrick Jane, too frivolous on the outside and dark on the inside), Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock (too selfish) and any of the superhero TV series (too dangerous and stressful to be with); Samurai Jack from the cartoon series (more respectful of him than anything else); and any sappy romcom guy like those from Ever After, Breakfast at Tiffany's or The Notebook (too perfect and unrealistic).

35. Heathcliff - Wuthering Heights: The guy you idealise and idolise without realising their true character. He used to be my fictional boyfriend when I was a teenager; he connected with me as Emily Bronte was writing exactly how I saw romance at the time. But as I grew older and obviously Emily didn't get to live that long, I realised she didn't have a chance to write about real love and I realised how Heathcliff and Cathy's love is unrealistic. He's like your boyfriend from school and while you now both want different things out of life, you can't let each other go due to your shared history. Never has a love soared so high and sunk so low, in the book and with me.

34. Rochester - Jane Eyre: The older man you want to notice you. It may be one of my favourite books of all time, but Rochester is awful. He's the man you love to hate. The man you wish you could give up, but you can't. You know he loves you for you, but that love is twisted, controlling and manipulative. He won't take no for an answer, lurking around you until you give in. It's only when Jane becomes more powerful than him, that they can be together. At least Charlotte understood love a bit more than her sister. My favourite portrayal is by Orson Welles, though everyone has brought something different to Rochester. Anne Bronte was the Bronte who wrote about love the best.

33. Rhett Butler - Gone With The Wind: The cheeky and confident man every girl loves and every boy wants to be. The book version and not Clark Gable's film version, obviously. He's not as bad in the book, but he's still pretty terrible. His only saving grace is his unconditional love for Scarlett, the way he challenges her, including laughing at her which is great, and how much he believes in her, even if he does reject her at the end, it's clear he still wants her. These types of men exert a magnetic pull all of their own, but it's more lust than love.

Colin Firth's Darrcy

32. Darcy - Pride and Prejudice: The brooding silent type you want to get to know. Best of a bad bunch following Heathcliff and Rochester. I guess it's controversial having him so low down the list as he's many people's ideal fictional romance. His brooding intensity, strong silent presence set the romantic archetype forever more. I wasn't immune, but he's like that guy who's not as great as he thinks he is, despite his money and influence.

31. Peter Pan - J. M. Barrie: The boy who never notices girls. Before I was attracted to boys, I was drawn to Peter Pan by reading the book. I loved his devil-may-care attitude and I never wanted to grow up, just like him, but with him!

30. Robin Hood - The Disney version: The leader of the pack who has a whole gang around him. I think this was one of my first fictional crushes and I think it might have been quite a few people's of my age. How can a cartoon fox be so attractive?! Maid Marian may have been the same for lovers of the fairer sex.

Hawkeye

29. Clint Barton/Hawkeye - The MCU films: The strong and stable type. I had to include a superhero as they are one of my film obsessions right now and I'm seeing the latest Avengers for my birthday. Clint is the most stable of them all and you can tell he's a great father, not just from the big reveal, but by how he treats Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch. Plus, Jeremy Renner is an underrated actor.

Oberyn

28. Oberyn Martell/The Viper - Game of Thrones: The coolest guy in school who always seems to have a different girl on his arm. His character in the books is so vibrant, confident and powerful, I was hooked and then when he was played by Pedro Pascal in the TV series, I was gone. He was true to himself, his proclivities and his passion. I wish I could be that uninhibited. However our relationship didn't last long, as he doesn't last long. But it was good while it lasted.

27. Legolas - The Lord of the Rings and Will Turner - The Pirates of the Caribbean films: The archetypal romantic hero. Alright, I had an Orlando Bloom period, but Will is straight out of an Errol Flynn film. He will do anything for love and who doesn't want that? For Legolas, clearly this was the film version and not Tolkien's, so it's all about Orlando Bloom's performance. He may be more interested in his friends than you, but he can turn his hand to anything.

26. Captain Jack Sparrow - The Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl: He wants you, he wants you not. Note that this is specifically about the Jack from the first film. I have a weird thing for amoral men, I must do. He would've been higher if Johnny Depp had not gone down in my estimation. He's the love you and leave you type, who'd return to you if he felt like it, but he's never around.

Kili

25. Kili - The Hobbit: The romantic. As there is no romantic subplot with a character that doesn't even exist in the books, this purely comes from Aidan Turner. For a dwarf, he's prone to frivolity, mischief and fun, plus he takes romance seriously. But this romance is doomed.

24. Dickon - The Secret Garden: He will always love something else more than you. After reading the book, Dickon was in my thoughts a lot. He loves animals and even has a medal named after him. My love for Dickon is pure and he will always have a special place in my heart.

Jesse

23. Jesse - Free Willy: The diamond in the rough. The film came out at the right time for me, okay? He may look like he's not worth the trouble, but all he needs is someone to take him under his wing. I still harbour an interest in Jason James Richter; years ago we were MySpace friends and bonded over the band Travis!

22. Laurie - Little Women: The literal boy next door. Always on the list of fictional boyfriends, but he's a slow grower. You won't realise you like him that way until suddenly it seems like you've always loved him. Give it time, there's always the money, playfulness and puppydog loyalty to tide you over in the meantime.

21. Jamie Fraser - Outlander series: Too good to be true, even for a fictional boyfriend. This is why he isn't higher up the list; he's a sensitive principled warrior, an oxymoron in itself, can look after himself and others, but is also tender and gentle. He's another who would do anything for love and family and puts his life on the line way too many times. I have a penchant for a Scottish accent, so Sam Heughan in the TV series is high up on my TV crush list.

Martin

20. Martin Blank - Grosse Pointe Blank: The drifter. The first entry for John Cusack and an assured fictional boyfriend as he's in one of my favourite films. He will frustrate you and turn you on in equal measure with his sarcasm, dark wit and ability to protect you come what may. But you never know whether he's going to stick around or not.

19. Jack Pearson - This Is Us: The ultimate archetype. Jack is too perfect: handsome, strong, funny, capable and loving and no matter how much they try to undo that with his closed-off-ness, perfectionism and stubbornness in later episodes, it's too late, he's the archetype of a father, husband, son and brother.

18. Geordi La Forge - Star Trek: The Next Generation: He will always be there for you. Maybe it's because he wore glasses, maybe because the actor LeVar Burton has the same surname as me or maybe it's because he's a smart, funny and loyal guy who's a great friend to someone different. I fell for Geordi at an impressionable age.

Killian

17. Hook/Killian Jones - Once Upon a Time: The bad boy turned good. The series may be over, but his loyalty saw him through to the end. He could've been so much less attractive, interesting and charismatic if it were not for Colin O'Donoghue, who forced them to make more of his character by the sheer power of his performance. He's a bad boy, selfish and flippant, but love will change him into a caring, mischievous and strong hero.

16. Jon Snow - Game of Thrones: Someone to rely on... He's one of the main characters in the programme and books and Kit Harington is Jon Snow; he makes me feel like a teenager again. I don't think he'd make the greatest of boyfriends as he's highly virtuous, ambitious and prone to getting into trouble, betrayed and even killed, but he'd make a brilliant friend when the relationship inevitably goes sideways.

15. Aladdin - The Disney version: Just give him a chance. The film came out at an impressionable moment. It didn't help that he was based on Michael J. Fox, one of my all-time crushes. He's handsome, sensitive, romantic, cheeky and offers freedom. What more could a girl ask for?

Henry

14. Henry Tilney - Northanger Abbey: You will need to make the first move. My favourite Jane Austen book and my favourite Jane Austen main man. He's a lovely guy, just not someone who would come out and tell you, loving you from afar. You'd catch him looking at you, but he will look away when you see him. He's worth the effort.

13. Spike - Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The antihero. Angel may be Buffy's paramour, but Spike is her truest love, even if it's unrequited. James Marsters wins over David Boreanaz any day. You can't change Spike, but if you spend enough time, he can change for you.

Logan Echolls

12. Logan Echolls - Veronica Mars: He will change for you. I'm team Logan all the way (Piz is soft) and he wins Veronica in the books and film. Jason Dohring was so good at being bad, they upped his part. But he isn't bad, he's misunderstood and acting out. He just needs someone to believe in him. Logan is the rare thing: a man you can change through sheer persistence.

11. Benny - Benny and Joon: You will make a good team. For those of you who haven't yet seen this film, you have to. Seriously. It's one of Johnny Depp's best performances. He's your equal in all things, a true partner, someone to consult about anything and you could live the rest of your life with.

Dean

10. Dean Winchester - Supernatural: He'd be your everything and you'd be everything to him. I know I should love Sam more as he's the intelligent one who reads books, is a good researcher and a sensitive soul; he'd make a great librarian. But it's Dean who I find the most attractive; you know he'd look after you, defend you and give great hugs, as well as be a fantastic father. If he has the time between hunting monsters and saving the world. It helps that Jensen Ackles, in fact the whole cast, are awesome people.

Jess

9. Jess Mariano - Gilmore Girls: A walking contradiction. I'm team Jess all the way: Dean is an idiot and Logan turns Rory into someone she's not. Jess loves books! He's a bit of a bad boy. He's a sensitive soul. He's so considerate, caring and compassionate. Milo Ventimiglia is easy on the eye. If only he could get his act together and stop wasting his talent. He makes you bite your lip when you see him and you know you shouldn't get involved, but you can't help yourself.

8. Lloyd Dobler - Say Anything: The friend who becomes something more. Okay, I have a small John Cusack preoccupation. However he plays toasted marshmallows so well: crusty on the outside and soft on the inside. He's the ideal boyfriend, your childhood sweetheart, your first love and only love, someone you could grow old with.

Benton and Dief

7. Benton Fraser - Due South: Too good for this world. He's the ideal man in many ways. He looks handsome in his mountie uniform, but when he puts on a leather jacket... Benton is so much more than man candy though. I love his intelligence, his kindness and his polite nature, but adore his innocence. Paul Gross gives him an edge.

Ten

6. The Tenth Doctor - Doctor Who: The stalwart presence. David Tennant is my Doctor. When you spend so much time with someone, even if they change on you, they will always be a big part of your life.

5. Beast - Disney's Beauty and the Beast: The one who will always put you before himself. He gave her a library!

4. Marty McFly - Back to the Future: The one who knows who he is. I had a huge crush on Michael J. Fox for a time, entirely based on this film. Now I just admire and respect him hugely. The love has developed. What I adore about him the most is the fact he is entirely his own person, accepts himself and his flaws and is unashamedly himself.

Westley

3. Westley/The Dread Pirates Roberts/The Man in Black - The Princess Bride: The fantasy. He is the same witty, sarcastic, confident, assured and prepared man all the way through the book and the film. You know he can put his hand to anything. He is intelligent, strong, skilful, learned and romantic. The book is wonderful, the film is peerless and Cary Elwes interpretation will always be my fictional boyfriend. Yet, I haven't put him at the top...

Michael Vartan

2. Michael Vaughn/SPOILER André Micheaux - Alias: The paramour. Michael Vartan's love interest is almost perfect, but he should have waited! He was always going to be on this list as he's in my favourite TV series of all time. However his courage, determination and ability to lapse into French at any time helped. Plus, he's supportive but gives you your freedom. He's romantic, but not in a soppy way. He's intelligent, loyal and couldn't do more for you. He's like the boy next door, who's your first unrequited love and you discover each other again later in life...

1. Gilbert Blythe - Anne of Green Gables series: The perfect fictional boyfriend. Gilbert develops from a idiotic boy into an incredible man, boyfriend and SPOILER husband, while never being perfect himself. You can grow up and grow old together, never growing apart. The fictional boyfriend that lasts the test of time.

Gilbert Blythe (Jonathan Crombie)

13 Reasons Why...

...I have to talk about 13 Reasons Why. I hate to add to the clamour around this TV series, but I have some very personal reasons why I want to talk about it.

In case you haven't heard of it, which you may not have as it's on Netflix, it's about schoolgirl Hannah who has committed suicide, but she created a series of tapes detailing the 13 reasons why she did it. Those tapes are given to the people in chronological order who contributed to those reasons and then passed on to the next person.

What I should have said

The best fiction holds a mirror up to your own life and some parts were a little too close for comfort, but ultimately in a good way. While I didn't go through exactly what Hannah went through, some of the earlier reasons; they get increasingly more dramatic; are only slight variations on what happened to me at school. Like Hannah, I was bullied. It started with a person I trusted who turned against me, just like Hannah. Like her I was alienated and through one person bullying me, it spread. All it takes is one person to start as it permits others to do the same. I was bullied for 6 years, non-stop. One constant bully and several others along the way, usually name-calling, taking my stuff, blocking my path, goading and teasing. The usual, for girls anyway. It only once turned physical, but I backed down. I should have done more to stand up for myself, sure. But when it's every day and seemingly anyone, it has a way of grinding you down; which is what happens to Hannah at the end; she is defeated.

What could have been

So here are my 13 reasons why I am talking about 13 Reasons Why, if you haven't seen it yet, I've avoided any spoilers:

1. It has got everyone talking about mental health and teenage suicide, which can only be a good thing as it is an increasing issue.
2. However one of those conversations is about the controversial decision to show the suicide. There are trigger warnings, a bit like the warnings given before footage which contain flashing lights, but for people with mental health problems, not epileptics. I know why they showed it as they wanted to portray the full story and be emotionally honest. My opinion on this has changed since, after I finished the series, I saw the latest Supernatural episode which showed someone trying to kill herself in the exact same way as Hannah and I doubt there were any trigger warnings, at least 13 Reasons Why did it responsibly.

   

   An excuse to show the stars of Supernatural, I still love you

3. I believe that if the series were shown in schools, it could change things. In the wake of Hannah's suicide, the school and parents were talking about warning signs, how to identify if someone is struggling. We need to be more aware as this is a problem that's only getting worse.
4. It could also change attitudes. Hannah's suicide was not about one thing, it rarely is; it was a series of 13 things. Some of the reasons seem insignificant, but it all builds up. It will hopefully make people realise by calling someone names, by spreading rumours, by physically attacking someone, it can have a significant effect, whether you intended it to or not. It may make people kinder. I confronted my bully years later over Facebook and she said she didn't realise that what she was doing was having such an impact on me, despite my parents reporting her to the school, but anyway. Plus she even bullied my Mum, a 10-year old bullying an adult! Many of the reasons Hannah details are instances of bullying. However bullying isn't just about the people involved, the bullies and the victims, it is also about the people who stand by and do nothing. One of the biggest themes of 13 Reasons Why is it not just about what people do to Hannah, it's about what people don't do.

   

   Rumours spreading

5. Communication is key. Many of the scenes are heartbreaking and frustrating and excruciating as it really gets inside the characters' heads. You know exactly what the characters aren't saying, start to say and stop. Meanwhile you're screaming at the screen "just say it!"

   

   Exactly

6. 13 Reasons Why is all about the characters. Some of them are superb and complex like Tony who is an unhelpful Yoda, Clay the lovely character we follow, Justin who seems like the stereotypical jock who is anything but, Jessica the least typical screen cheerleader you could ever meet and seemingly sweet Zach who appears to be the breakout actor of the series. Thanks to these characters, the programme isn't only about suicide and bullying, it's about addiction, alienation, sexual assault, alcoholism, peer pressure, family dysfunction and self harm.

   

   Tony with his beloved car

7. However some of the characters are stereotypes: the arrogant creative Ryan, the nerdy bitter Tyler, the entitled rich kid Bryce, the tormented goth Skye and the determined future and reputation-obsessed Courtney and Marcus.
8. The character of Hannah is extremely familiar to me. When I saw her handwriting and her brief foray into creative writing, it was almost identical to mine at her age. I think she is one of the main reasons why this show has made such an impression; you identify with her so strongly. But we only get to know her through the tapes and flashbacks.
9. The cinematography and the way they interweave the storylines are extremely effective; merging the past and present together on screen was incredibly poignant. However the soundtrack is the best thing; the music choices, it's... well it has to be heard in context. If I listed the songs and you listened to them, they wouldn't have the same impact.

   

   Music is integral

10. It has made me realise how well I coped through it all. It was only when the bullying stopped that my anxiety started! It took me a while to work out why, but when I looked at the differences between my life and Hannah's, there are 3 reasons why what happened to her wouldn't have happened to me, if it had escalated, if it had got worse. The first is family. Hannah is an only child and her parents are well-meaning and they clearly love her, but their attention is elsewhere. I have 3 brothers and my parents always put us kids first and as soon as they realised what was happening to me, they did something. It worked, for a while, and then she started up again; schools can be useless when it comes to bullying, but I will not accept that it's just part of school life.

    

    We should all have friends like Tony

11. The second is friends, or at least a friend. I had one friend who stuck by me, when the first bully turned everyone else against me. Hannah had no one at the end; the friends she had made deserted her. There was one person who could have been a proper friend, but he was inaffectual. One of my bullies apologised, years later of course, and if he didn't become a friend, he at least gave me a lollipop as a peace offering, while he was drunk and at a nightclub.
12. The last is interests. Hannah isn't sporty or academic and when she tries to have outside interests, they come to nothing. I had my books. I loved to learn. I had things I was doing outside school. Because all Hannah had was school and home and work, nothing that gave her any real enjoyment, the things that happened to her became everything.

    

    Technology makes it easy

13. Hannah's story takes place now. When I was bullied, it happened before the age of social media, mobile phones and the internet. Mobile phones in particular play an integral part in Hannah's downfall. I don't know what would have happened to me if I had to go through what I went through now. The teasing and name-calling wouldn't have just happened in the playground, in the classroom and on my way home, it would have come by text message and on social media. Photos would have been taken and shared around. Rumours would have been spread almost instantly. There would have been no escape; I had safe places like the library at school and my home, but now, there is nowhere safe.

The tapes

Like Clay, who added a 14th tape, a final reason or at least an expansion on one of the reasons, I'm adding one final reason why 13 Reasons Why is important to me and that's because it has finally allowed me to let go of it all; it helped me work through it. I had inklings as to the reasons why the people who bullied me did it; troubles at home like Justin who's bullied himself; loneliness like Bryce; just trying to fit in like Jessica; fear like Courtney; and ambition like Ryan. But I now understand better the culture that allows bullying to happen, why people turn away when they can help, why they do nothing instead of something. One of my favourite quotes has been doing the rounds recently because of the political landscape right now and it seems apt here too: "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Edmund Burke. Don't be the person who does nothing.

You said it Clay