I am a writer!

So, I have a cunning plan. I have had an idea for a story in my head for more than half my lifetime now. It's been percolating over the years, starting with the premise of how the power of one girl's imagination both enhances and ruins her life. Then it brought in mental illness, which was only natural as it makes sense with the imagination aspect and it's what was going on in my life at the time. Finally, I brought in Greek mythology, specifically the nature of fate, which has lead me to come up with a series of books on other Greek mythological figures. Talk about getting ahead of myself! I have the chapters named and outlined, the characters all drawn out, the plotline and some chapters written. I even have a Spotify playlist! So all I have to do now is write it.

I don't know why it's taken me this long, apart from a combination of time, energy and self-esteem. No matter how many times I tell myself that I should never compare my work with others, that it's not that they are better, they just have a different point of view, my lack of confidence always gets in the way. Creativity isn't a competition and everyone's perspective is valid and one of my brothers drunkenly told me he once thought I shouldn't bother being a writer as how could I come up with something new, but now he thinks I have something to say, which I was moved by more than I should.

I've always known I'm a writer, from my love of books and stories; I will thank my parents forever for teaching me to read before I started school, so throughout my primary school years, my reading age was double my actual age, so much so one of my teachers compared me to Matilda, I even looked like her; when I got a commendation for a story I wrote when I was about 7; when I got a letter from the headmaster praising my A-Level work (even school and university couldn't ruin my love of creative writing); when I just had to write, to get words down; when I was getting inspiration from anywhere; when I was writing as therapy; when I was writing as easily as breathing.

Then the anxiety and panic attacks struck. I tried to write, to get my emotions and thoughts down, but I was barely eating and couldn't sleep properly, so I didn't have the energy and what energy I had was concentrated on not failing my A-Levels, trying to maintain friendships and just getting through the day. The myth of the tortured artist producing their best work is a fallacy. That is unless you don't succumb to it. Illness turns you inwards, so what work you do create is incredibly self-centred, which can be amazing and insightful, but it's not a writer's best work. You don't get inspiration from the world; your life is closed off, insular and your vision is through a tunnel of your own making. So I stopped writing. I did start again when I did my university undergrad degree, but it wasn't the same. However I am a writer at heart and I'm in the best place I've ever been with my anxiety. Inspiration has started to win through again. I can't think about all those wasted years, just now I want to, and am able to, achieve my dream of being a writer.

Right, on to my cunning plan. If I blog about how my writing is going every week, it will force me to do something. So expect a weekly blog from me, hopefully I will actually have written something by this time next week!