It's my birthday and I'm 35. So I've written a special blog post for the occasion. My great loves in my life have always been from books, TV programmes and films. This has meant I have had many fictional boyfriends in my lifetime.
Fictional boyfriends have allowed me to get close to men when, in real life, my anxiety hasn't let me get close to anyone as my fight or flight kicks in for some reason; you can't run away from fictional boyfriends, throw up in front of them or simply not try due to literally paralysing fear. They have also given me the opportunity to date them when I watch them on TV, on the big screen or read about them. You can give up on them, but, true story, apart from panic attacks, I have never left the cinema, not seen a TV series to its end or not finished a book. To be perfectly honest, fictional boyfriends may be the reason I have never had a boyfriend; no one can live up to them!
So, if you know anyone who complements my anxiety-prone nature, who is witty, laidback and patient, loves books, TV and films; he'll have to be able to get all my references; has a bit of an edge, thinks deeply and will challenge me, set me up!
Disclaimer: This is the unashamed, non-guilty pleasure and unedited, while also edited a lot, list of all my fictional boyfriends past and present. They have all played a significant part in my fictional romantic life from an early, perhaps too early, age right up to now. Some were of their time, some came at the right time and some are timeless. I have tried not to be swayed by actors, although I did go through phases of liking certain people.
Jordan Catalano
Leon
I didn't include: Jared Leto's Jordan Catalano from My So-Called Life (too much of a cipher, despite being sooo pretty); Burt Ward's Robin from the 60s Batman (one of my first TV crushes, but don't think it was romantic); Ross Poldark (I can't have two Aidan Turner characters, he leaves his love alone too often and he's even worse in the books); Henry Ian Cusick's Desmond from Lost (all of that cast is sullied by the final episode, but what a lovely Scottish accent and such a lovable character); Jean Reno's Leon from Leon/The Professional (despite being sweet, sensitive and able to look after himself, he does kill people); David Bowie's Goblin King Jareth from Labyrinth (too disturbing, but caused many a teenage awakening for an entire generation of boys and girls); the bad boys from The Breakfast Club (Judd Nelson's Bender), Rebel Without a Cause (James Dean's Jim Stark) and Eoin Macken's Gwaine from BBC's Merlin (too difficult to be around); the antiheros from A Discovery of Witches (it's only because of Matthew Goode's portrayal of Matthew Clairmont that I'm even mentioning him as he's sooo obsessive and controlling), House (Hugh Laurie, too petty and gloomy), The Mentalist (Simon Baker's Patrick Jane, too frivolous on the outside and dark on the inside), Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock (too selfish) and any of the superhero TV series (too dangerous and stressful to be with); Samurai Jack from the cartoon series (more respectful of him than anything else); and any sappy romcom guy like those from Ever After, Breakfast at Tiffany's or The Notebook (too perfect and unrealistic).
35. Heathcliff - Wuthering Heights: The guy you idealise and idolise without realising their true character. He used to be my fictional boyfriend when I was a teenager; he connected with me as Emily Bronte was writing exactly how I saw romance at the time. But as I grew older and obviously Emily didn't get to live that long, I realised she didn't have a chance to write about real love and I realised how Heathcliff and Cathy's love is unrealistic. He's like your boyfriend from school and while you now both want different things out of life, you can't let each other go due to your shared history. Never has a love soared so high and sunk so low, in the book and with me.
34. Rochester - Jane Eyre: The older man you want to notice you. It may be one of my favourite books of all time, but Rochester is awful. He's the man you love to hate. The man you wish you could give up, but you can't. You know he loves you for you, but that love is twisted, controlling and manipulative. He won't take no for an answer, lurking around you until you give in. It's only when Jane becomes more powerful than him, that they can be together. At least Charlotte understood love a bit more than her sister. My favourite portrayal is by Orson Welles, though everyone has brought something different to Rochester. Anne Bronte was the Bronte who wrote about love the best.
33. Rhett Butler - Gone With The Wind: The cheeky and confident man every girl loves and every boy wants to be. The book version and not Clark Gable's film version, obviously. He's not as bad in the book, but he's still pretty terrible. His only saving grace is his unconditional love for Scarlett, the way he challenges her, including laughing at her which is great, and how much he believes in her, even if he does reject her at the end, it's clear he still wants her. These types of men exert a magnetic pull all of their own, but it's more lust than love.
Colin Firth's Darrcy
32. Darcy - Pride and Prejudice: The brooding silent type you want to get to know. Best of a bad bunch following Heathcliff and Rochester. I guess it's controversial having him so low down the list as he's many people's ideal fictional romance. His brooding intensity, strong silent presence set the romantic archetype forever more. I wasn't immune, but he's like that guy who's not as great as he thinks he is, despite his money and influence.
31. Peter Pan - J. M. Barrie: The boy who never notices girls. Before I was attracted to boys, I was drawn to Peter Pan by reading the book. I loved his devil-may-care attitude and I never wanted to grow up, just like him, but with him!
30. Robin Hood - The Disney version: The leader of the pack who has a whole gang around him. I think this was one of my first fictional crushes and I think it might have been quite a few people's of my age. How can a cartoon fox be so attractive?! Maid Marian may have been the same for lovers of the fairer sex.
Hawkeye
29. Clint Barton/Hawkeye - The MCU films: The strong and stable type. I had to include a superhero as they are one of my film obsessions right now and I'm seeing the latest Avengers for my birthday. Clint is the most stable of them all and you can tell he's a great father, not just from the big reveal, but by how he treats Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch. Plus, Jeremy Renner is an underrated actor.
Oberyn
28. Oberyn Martell/The Viper - Game of Thrones: The coolest guy in school who always seems to have a different girl on his arm. His character in the books is so vibrant, confident and powerful, I was hooked and then when he was played by Pedro Pascal in the TV series, I was gone. He was true to himself, his proclivities and his passion. I wish I could be that uninhibited. However our relationship didn't last long, as he doesn't last long. But it was good while it lasted.
27. Legolas - The Lord of the Rings and Will Turner - The Pirates of the Caribbean films: The archetypal romantic hero. Alright, I had an Orlando Bloom period, but Will is straight out of an Errol Flynn film. He will do anything for love and who doesn't want that? For Legolas, clearly this was the film version and not Tolkien's, so it's all about Orlando Bloom's performance. He may be more interested in his friends than you, but he can turn his hand to anything.
26. Captain Jack Sparrow - The Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl: He wants you, he wants you not. Note that this is specifically about the Jack from the first film. I have a weird thing for amoral men, I must do. He would've been higher if Johnny Depp had not gone down in my estimation. He's the love you and leave you type, who'd return to you if he felt like it, but he's never around.
Kili
25. Kili - The Hobbit: The romantic. As there is no romantic subplot with a character that doesn't even exist in the books, this purely comes from Aidan Turner. For a dwarf, he's prone to frivolity, mischief and fun, plus he takes romance seriously. But this romance is doomed.
24. Dickon - The Secret Garden: He will always love something else more than you. After reading the book, Dickon was in my thoughts a lot. He loves animals and even has a medal named after him. My love for Dickon is pure and he will always have a special place in my heart.
Jesse
23. Jesse - Free Willy: The diamond in the rough. The film came out at the right time for me, okay? He may look like he's not worth the trouble, but all he needs is someone to take him under his wing. I still harbour an interest in Jason James Richter; years ago we were MySpace friends and bonded over the band Travis!
22. Laurie - Little Women: The literal boy next door. Always on the list of fictional boyfriends, but he's a slow grower. You won't realise you like him that way until suddenly it seems like you've always loved him. Give it time, there's always the money, playfulness and puppydog loyalty to tide you over in the meantime.
21. Jamie Fraser - Outlander series: Too good to be true, even for a fictional boyfriend. This is why he isn't higher up the list; he's a sensitive principled warrior, an oxymoron in itself, can look after himself and others, but is also tender and gentle. He's another who would do anything for love and family and puts his life on the line way too many times. I have a penchant for a Scottish accent, so Sam Heughan in the TV series is high up on my TV crush list.
Martin
20. Martin Blank - Grosse Pointe Blank: The drifter. The first entry for John Cusack and an assured fictional boyfriend as he's in one of my favourite films. He will frustrate you and turn you on in equal measure with his sarcasm, dark wit and ability to protect you come what may. But you never know whether he's going to stick around or not.
19. Jack Pearson - This Is Us: The ultimate archetype. Jack is too perfect: handsome, strong, funny, capable and loving and no matter how much they try to undo that with his closed-off-ness, perfectionism and stubbornness in later episodes, it's too late, he's the archetype of a father, husband, son and brother.
18. Geordi La Forge - Star Trek: The Next Generation: He will always be there for you. Maybe it's because he wore glasses, maybe because the actor LeVar Burton has the same surname as me or maybe it's because he's a smart, funny and loyal guy who's a great friend to someone different. I fell for Geordi at an impressionable age.
Killian
17. Hook/Killian Jones - Once Upon a Time: The bad boy turned good. The series may be over, but his loyalty saw him through to the end. He could've been so much less attractive, interesting and charismatic if it were not for Colin O'Donoghue, who forced them to make more of his character by the sheer power of his performance. He's a bad boy, selfish and flippant, but love will change him into a caring, mischievous and strong hero.
16. Jon Snow - Game of Thrones: Someone to rely on... He's one of the main characters in the programme and books and Kit Harington is Jon Snow; he makes me feel like a teenager again. I don't think he'd make the greatest of boyfriends as he's highly virtuous, ambitious and prone to getting into trouble, betrayed and even killed, but he'd make a brilliant friend when the relationship inevitably goes sideways.
15. Aladdin - The Disney version: Just give him a chance. The film came out at an impressionable moment. It didn't help that he was based on Michael J. Fox, one of my all-time crushes. He's handsome, sensitive, romantic, cheeky and offers freedom. What more could a girl ask for?
Henry
14. Henry Tilney - Northanger Abbey: You will need to make the first move. My favourite Jane Austen book and my favourite Jane Austen main man. He's a lovely guy, just not someone who would come out and tell you, loving you from afar. You'd catch him looking at you, but he will look away when you see him. He's worth the effort.
13. Spike - Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The antihero. Angel may be Buffy's paramour, but Spike is her truest love, even if it's unrequited. James Marsters wins over David Boreanaz any day. You can't change Spike, but if you spend enough time, he can change for you.
Logan Echolls
12. Logan Echolls - Veronica Mars: He will change for you. I'm team Logan all the way (Piz is soft) and he wins Veronica in the books and film. Jason Dohring was so good at being bad, they upped his part. But he isn't bad, he's misunderstood and acting out. He just needs someone to believe in him. Logan is the rare thing: a man you can change through sheer persistence.
11. Benny - Benny and Joon: You will make a good team. For those of you who haven't yet seen this film, you have to. Seriously. It's one of Johnny Depp's best performances. He's your equal in all things, a true partner, someone to consult about anything and you could live the rest of your life with.
Dean
10. Dean Winchester - Supernatural: He'd be your everything and you'd be everything to him. I know I should love Sam more as he's the intelligent one who reads books, is a good researcher and a sensitive soul; he'd make a great librarian. But it's Dean who I find the most attractive; you know he'd look after you, defend you and give great hugs, as well as be a fantastic father. If he has the time between hunting monsters and saving the world. It helps that Jensen Ackles, in fact the whole cast, are awesome people.
Jess
9. Jess Mariano - Gilmore Girls: A walking contradiction. I'm team Jess all the way: Dean is an idiot and Logan turns Rory into someone she's not. Jess loves books! He's a bit of a bad boy. He's a sensitive soul. He's so considerate, caring and compassionate. Milo Ventimiglia is easy on the eye. If only he could get his act together and stop wasting his talent. He makes you bite your lip when you see him and you know you shouldn't get involved, but you can't help yourself.
8. Lloyd Dobler - Say Anything: The friend who becomes something more. Okay, I have a small John Cusack preoccupation. However he plays toasted marshmallows so well: crusty on the outside and soft on the inside. He's the ideal boyfriend, your childhood sweetheart, your first love and only love, someone you could grow old with.
Benton and Dief
7. Benton Fraser - Due South: Too good for this world. He's the ideal man in many ways. He looks handsome in his mountie uniform, but when he puts on a leather jacket... Benton is so much more than man candy though. I love his intelligence, his kindness and his polite nature, but adore his innocence. Paul Gross gives him an edge.
Ten
6. The Tenth Doctor - Doctor Who: The stalwart presence. David Tennant is my Doctor. When you spend so much time with someone, even if they change on you, they will always be a big part of your life.
5. Beast - Disney's Beauty and the Beast: The one who will always put you before himself. He gave her a library!
4. Marty McFly - Back to the Future: The one who knows who he is. I had a huge crush on Michael J. Fox for a time, entirely based on this film. Now I just admire and respect him hugely. The love has developed. What I adore about him the most is the fact he is entirely his own person, accepts himself and his flaws and is unashamedly himself.
Westley
3. Westley/The Dread Pirates Roberts/The Man in Black - The Princess Bride: The fantasy. He is the same witty, sarcastic, confident, assured and prepared man all the way through the book and the film. You know he can put his hand to anything. He is intelligent, strong, skilful, learned and romantic. The book is wonderful, the film is peerless and Cary Elwes interpretation will always be my fictional boyfriend. Yet, I haven't put him at the top...
1. Gilbert Blythe - Anne of Green Gables series: The perfect fictional boyfriend. Gilbert develops from a idiotic boy into an incredible man, boyfriend and SPOILER husband, while never being perfect himself. You can grow up and grow old together, never growing apart. The fictional boyfriend that lasts the test of time.
I believe in superheroes! I can finally say it. I love superhero films and have watched almost all of them, even Mystery Men and the less said about that film the better. However I have never had that suspension of disbelief where I truly believed in the performance, except for maybe Christopher Reeve in Superman, but I was a kid then so it doesn’t count, especially as I was a kid with an overactive imagination. That's all I'm saying about the Superman incarnations by the way and I'm not going to even mention Fantastic Four, though Chris Evans was the only good thing in it.
Tom Holland as Peter Parker/Spider-Man
That is until now. Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Homecoming... I don't know, it was like he was born to play the part. His dancing background playing Billy Elliot on the stage, which means he can sing as well as dance and act, making him a triple threat, certainly helps. His part in The Impossible was challenging to say the least and his is the character that stays with you long after the film is finished, such is the strength of his performance, not Naomi Watts, not Ewan McGregor and not even the tsunami. That performance was so realistic and he's done the same with Peter Parker, he simply is him. He makes you truly believe in him, not only as the teenage superhero, finally a real looking and acting teenager, but that it could be possible he could do those amazing feats. You didn't have just a montage of him figuring out his powers, the entire film covered that. He didn't have it all figured out and do everything right, in fact he pretty much screwed up the entire film too. He was a dork but a standard dork and not in a cutesy slapstick way. He was smart but not prenaturally intelligent. He was flawed in a very human sense, not a superhuman. What I'm trying to say is, he was wholly relatable, not a mass of characteristics, which made the film the most enjoyable out of all the superhero films. It helped that it was so playful, playing with the superhero tropes, with the comic references and a few in-jokes. Also, the villain had a proper arc and you understand why he became the super villain, not just for revenge or because he is simply evil.
Now, I can hear you say, what about Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield? Fine actors to be sure, but they were too old certainly (adults playing teenagers, it's never believable, just look at Grease), too sure of themselves (Spider-Man is constantly trying to find himself, he is a teenager after all) and too cool to truly play the part; as much as they tried to be geeks and Andrew Garfield particularly got the awkward dorkiness, they never overcame their inner coolness.
The MCU
Now, you’re interjecting with other superheroes. So here’s a rundown of the best; The Incredibles wins it hands down, but cannot be included as it's a cartoon. I love all these performances by the way, but they never make me believe in them as a superhero and I have a very vivid imagination! NB: I'm classing a superhero as someone who has super powers, rather than someone with a load of gadgets and is highly trained, like Danger Mouse. Batman for example being the exception that proves the rule of course.
Wonder Woman, I had to start with her and I hope she's the first of many and because she's the first, she's the superheroine who will spawn better films, but Gal Gadot being both beautiful and powerful; she trained in the Israeli military; she looked the part, but never quite got beyond the surface acting-wise, they just plonked her in situations and set-pieces and let them do the talking.
Hugh Jackman made Wolverine his own, which is amazing and he's by far the best thing about any of the X-Men films, but he isn’t Wolverine as he can't quite portray his berserker rage among other things.
Avengers gif.
Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth certainly look like Captain America and Thor and are great actors, but that’s it. They are icons, idols, figureheads, they represent abstract concepts so you never see the person underneath, but we may do in future films.
Tom Hiddleston embodies Loki and relishes the part, but you can see his joy underneath which is wonderful, but all too knowing.
Mark Ruffalo makes for an interesting Bruce Banner/Hulk and I’d love to see him in a standalone film, but the casting is too leftfield, which I adore, to be convincing.
Patrick Stewart was inspired casting for Professor X; he has the looks obviously, but also the gravitas, sly humour and air of authority. however he’s an actor’s actor, you can see his process. Same goes for Ian McKellen as Magneto.
Guardians of the Galaxy, what can I say. The most fun of the superhero movies as they accept their super powers completely, wholeheartedly enjoy them and in the case of Peter, SPOILER lets them go with a shrug. They don't hide their comic book credentials, they wear them with pride!
And finally the exceptions:
Tony Stark/Iron Man is Robert Downey Jr., not the other way round. Period. Batman. No one has ever quite played Bruce Wayne and Batman and made both parts cohere; they were better at either one or the other, or average at both, sorry Adam West. Though Will Arnett as Lego Batman comes close!
LEGO Batman
Paul Rudd is perfect for Ant-Man, but that part was never going to be credible, especially as they’ve skewed it to comedy.
Honourable mentions go to:
Jessica Jones
Chronicle, which I haven't seen yet but looks brilliantly different, Black Panther which looking at the trailer is going to be amazing, Doctor Strange who Cumberbatch plays as an amalgam of Sherlock and Khan, the Disney (not Marvel Disney) movie Sky High, the deconstruction of the superhero movie Unbreakable, the "I don't give a damn" superhero movies Deadpool and Hancock, and the TV superheroes: Buffy the Vampire Slayer a superhero in all but name; all of the Misfits, if you've never seen it, watch it, it's... indescribable, incredibly raw and inconceivably crude; Heroes (the first season for Hiro, Sylar, Peter Petrelli, Claire and Isaac and Heroes Reborn which is something in itself); the inhumans in Agents of SHIELD, but the humans are better characters; Jessica Jones,the fantastic Krysten Ritter from Veronica Mars ably supported by David Tennant who you will never see in the same way again; Mike Colter in Luke Cage who could have been transported off the page, but hasn't got the acting range; Charlie Cox in Daredevil who erases that much maligned film from your mind; can't wait for The Defenders, which combines all three, plus *mutter* The Iron Fist; Dan Stevens in Legion, a bizarre series you just have to watch as it has to be seen to be believed; Stephen Amell in Arrow who is a great role model; another too cool geek Grant Gustin in The Flash;Melissa Benoist in Supergirl who is adorkable; all of The Legends of Tomorrow but especially Wentworth Miller; and The Tick, both cartoon and live action. I love you all and despite the extra time you have to play your superheroes, there's something about watching you every week in my living room which makes it too intimate; you can see everything they're thinking and feeling, making you believe in them less over time conversely rather than more, but by then, they're already in your heart.
Marvel's The Defenders
Or is it just me?
P. S. Bonus points for anyone who gets the reference in the title.
This blog post has been 15 years in the making, almost half my lifetime. If you're thinking we didn't really have the internet and blogs back then, you'd be right. It's not that I've been writing this post since then, but the events detailed here have taken this long.
Trust me I'm a doctor
If you take two things from this post, morals if you will, they are these: never taken a doctor's word as gospel and the things you thought you knew change on you. This post will be of interest to anyone who feels disappointed, short-changed or unsure after an appointment with a doctor. I too often accepted a diagnosis from a doctor, even when it didn't feel right. I have a problem with authority figures, underneath I see them as humans, just as fallible as the rest of us, but I always quail before them. Carefully rehearsed speeches go out the window when I enter their office. So I quietly defy them in that I do my research afterwards and thank goodness for that or I wouldn't be where I am today. The registrar wrote me off yesterday; it was my last appointment with him and I'm now in the hands of the physios. In the nicest possible way, he hopes to never see me again and I couldn't agree more. My Mum got a bit teary as this has been years in coming and she praised me for sticking with it, holding my ground and forcing the doctors' hands. I just see it as coming down to a mixture of desperation and stubbornness, but there must have been some self-belief in there too. The victory is bittersweet for me because of the time it's taken, the toll it's taken and the things I've missed out on because of it. But finally, it's at an end. I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down.
One word of warning: I've always been open and honest about things, so here's me being open and honest about my health and if it helps one person either understand me or themselves better, then this post has done its job. So if you ever wondered about me, my clumsiness, vagueness and my anxiety, or your own clumsiness and dizziness, then read on.
Have you ever felt dizzy with no apparent cause? Does vertigo plague your life that can't be put down to anything else? Do you get anxious for no particular reason? That's been my life ever since I was 16, when I started to have attacks of vertigo that came out of the blue, that incapacitated me so I can't lie down without making it worse, I can't walk in a straight line and I can only find one position when the room isn't spinning: half sitting and half lying down in a weird position. These attacks steadily got worse and more frequent. They lasted one or two days and knocked my energy for longer. A common misconception is that vertigo is the fear of heights, but that's acrophobia. Vertigo is one of the symptoms of acrophobia, like when you look down at the world far below and everything starts spinning, that's vertigo. It feels like a combination of being drunk without the good bits and the worst hangover of your life. Some car journeys, especially those along winding country roads, can feel like a rollercoaster. General day to day life is made harder, particularly with concentration levels and my energy is sapped quicker.
Vertigo
Over the years, I've been diagnosed with many different things, as the symptoms got worse. First a GP diagnosed me with labyrinthitis and was given tablets, but when I went to see a specialist, they told me it couldn't be labyrinthitis because the vertigo didn't last long enough. Then I got diagnosed with migraines, but the next specialist palmed me off with tablets which gave me distressing side effects. So I stopped taking them, plus I didn't think it was migraines as I didn't get headaches or any other symptoms apart from the vertigo. Then after a particularly bad bout, I was told it was Menieres and that there was nothing that could be done. I couldn't accept that and researched it. I'm stubborn and curious, a bad combination most of the time but not with this and it was just as well I am. One of the firm symptoms is hearing loss, so I went and got a hearing test. You can get a test done for free from Boots, but you have to pay for a copy of the results. So I went back to the doctor, again being referred by my GP and was told it couldn't be Menieres as I would have hearing loss if I was experiencing vertigo. My hearing is actually better than average and one good thing that has come out of this protracted diagnosis is I've discovered why I am so acutely sensitive to high pitched sounds like cutlery, because I hear it louder! The amount of doctors I've seen, pills I've taken and shouldn't have and diagnoses I've been given is depressing. Anyway, after a few simple balance tests last November, I received the diagnosis I had been waiting for: a correct diagnosis at last. I have vestibular damage to my right balance organ.
No one knows why it happened; it could've been a blow to the head, lack of blood flow or a virus, which is the most probable. But suddenly my life made sense, why I'm clumsy and am always bumping into things, why I can't walk in a straight line in the dark, why I have difficulty travelling and always get car sick. The attacks of vertigo over the years were the organ gradually degrading. It was a confusing but enlightening time for me. I was a gymnast, I've even got a certificate to prove I could do a cartwheel across a beam, so why did I suddenly have no balance? As the attacks of vertigo only happened once in a blue moon, I never connected the two until much later.
Blue moon
However after this epiphany moment, I received no more help; I just had to live with it. The only suggestion was to exercise, maybe do some martial arts. I exercise every day and I tried to do some martial arts, but it was impossible, because I couldn't balance. But like the passive, non-confrontational and introverted person I am, I let it slide and just carried on regardless. Until a heavy head cold knocked me sideways and I had to go on heavy duty motion sickness medication to even function. I wasn't going to take medication if I could help it, so I forced an appointment with a specialist and finally found a doctor who not only listened to me, but gave me time. He was as determined as I was to get to the bottom of it. From this point on, I couldn't fault Addenbrooke's Hospital or the NHS; they have been brilliant. After years of suffering, just living with it and getting on with things, I've finally been told the definitive cause, well, two causes: BPPV and a damaged balance organ on the right-hand side. The BPPV is easily fixed though.
BPPV stands for Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo. It's basically where calcium deposits in the brain are dislodged and float around where they shouldn't be. The fix is a series of nauseating and mildly painful head manoeuvres to move them back. BPPV causes positional vertigo, which means vertigo if you look up or down, or hold your head in a certain way and if you roll over, or if you do anything with your head too quickly. It blighted my sleep as I toss and turn a lot in bed. So whenever I rolled over from left to right, I'd wake up or sleep more shallowly because of the vertigo. to be fair to the doctors, mine was very subtle and it's not surprising that they missed the eye movements that they look for by hanging my head over the edge of a bed.
They did quite a few tests, including an MRI of my head to rule out anything sinister, pumping my ears with water which was horrible, tracking my eye movements with funky knightrider glasses and balance tests. As for the damaged balance organ, it is very weak and may yet get worse, nothing is certain with this. I've lost 77% and it means I'm permanently off kilter and unbalanced. This may seem very very bad, but apparently like you can live with just one kidney or just one lung, you can live with just one balance organ. You just have to retrain your brain and reset your balance. So I'm seeing a physio and hopefully I will have my equilibrium back. My body grounding itself and my sight, they are as much balance organs as the balance organ. I know everyone gets motion sickness to some degree, anyone who has tried to navigate around their own house in the dark or rides rollercoasters for instance, knows what I'm talking about. My body gets royally confused and takes ages to reset itself. The symptoms may wear off for you after 10 minutes or so, but for me, it could be days. After long car journeys, I've lost a day before due to not being able to sleep because even with the light on, the room starts spinning the second I close my eyes and with no sleep, the next day is shot. Your balance comes from three things: your eyes and brain, your body and your balance organs. With one of them out of action, I only have my eyes and body. When either of those are compromised, I'm screwed. So if it's dark, if there's a disconnect between my body and eyes like when I'm travelling or even in crowds and everything is moving so fast around me, that's why I get the vertigo.
Here's a rollercoaster I can't believe I went on: the Dragon Khan at Portaventura, Barcelona
Lastly, I've written about this before, written about it on this blog before, but for the same amount of time as I've been living with vertigo, I've been living with anxiety and panic attacks. I always thought that the vertigo was a symptom of my anxiety and it can be. But it turns out, while it doesn't help as hyperventilation and irregular breathing can make your head swim, tense your body up and cause dizziness, the anxiety can also easily simply be a symptom of my balance problems. If the world feels off kilter, if you're permanently off balance, if you have no equilibrium, then of course you're going to feel anxious. And anything that exacerbates the symptoms would make you feel anxious, like public speaking when you have stand up for a while, often higher up than everyone else, like travelling and like socialising. I always thought that the anxiety caused my physical symptoms, racing heart rate, sweating and yes dizziness, but it seems too much of a coincidence as the anxiety and vertigo attacks started around the same time, that they are completely connected. My anxiety has a physical cause and if I can get my equilibrium back, maybe I can live anxiety-free. But that's a false hope as it's been too long and my body has got used to being anxious. If I get stressed or excited, by going on a rollercoaster for instance, which I wouldn't do anymore anyway because of my balance problems, but I would get the same symptoms as anxiety and it would bring on a panic attack as the increased adrenaline is now a signal that my body takes to induce a panic attack. So there are certain things I have to be careful of doing now. I even had to leave Centre Court at Wimbledon when I was there for the London 2012 Olympics because the excitement at just being at a place I had longed to go to ever since I was a kid became too much and it induced a panic attack. Stupid, right?
Me at Wimbledon Centre Court
My body has been doing a good job over the years of compensating, of living with the low grade nausea, of the world whirling around me. It never ceases to amaze me how adaptable the body is. But it also means I have many habits to break that I have built up over the years to cope with it all, some may be too ingrained to change, but we'll see. The physio has already identified a few bodily and posture problems. She has given me the exercises to reorientate myself, to allow my brain to get used to having only one balance organ. It's the only treatment. But she's also given me exercises to help realign my knees. I felt like a fraud in the gym at the hospital as there was a guy in there with an obvious brain injury just trying to get his limbs moving again, so I have him in mind the next time I feel too tired and want to shirk doing my exercises. I have a long body and short legs and I hunch over, not from being lazy, but because I'm trying to lower my centre of gravity to help me balance, or at least that's what I tell my Mum now after her years of nagging me to sit up straight! I also can't stand up for too long and when I do, I put my knees together for support, I even cycle like that. This has weakened my knees and I could start having problems in 10-15 years and even with my hips if I keep cycling the way I do. The impact that this has had on my body and mind is incredible. It will be interesting to see which things are genuine causes of anxiety and which are generated by the vertigo. It will be a journey of discovery, but one I'm more than happy to embark on. I'm determined to get over the anxiety if I can, to sit up straighter and to live my life more. Battling the balance problems took a lot of energy, so here's hoping I have more to play with! Most importantly, I have an answer, a reason and explanation for something that blighted my life for far too long and this bittersweet victory is all mine. I can change.
If any of this seems vaguely familiar to you, any of the symptoms, then read on.
BPPV symptoms
Does your Mum always tell you off for not sitting up straight? It may not be laziness, but because it isn't comfortable dizziness-wise. Having your head at a weird angle may help and you may be doing it unconsciously like I have.
Have you always thought you have low blood pressure, even though you've had it checked and it was fine? Do you find it difficult to stand up for too long, feel dizzy after standing or sitting up too quickly and get head rushes? This may be BPPV because sudden head movements or prolonged time with your head at a certain angle can cause dizziness. You can imagine what it was like working at a computer for me. My concentration was shot!
Did you used to be a heavy sleeper, turned into a shallow sleeper and then a very light sleeper? It could be down to rolling around, tossing and turning in bed at night. This might be due to stress sure, but it could also be rolling from right to left or left to right, depending on what side these damn crystals are at. I used to wake up with vertigo, with my covers off the bed or tangled up because of it.
Vestibular damage symptoms
Do you dislike travelling, not seeing new places or holidays, just because of the travelling part? Not for the usual reasons of the time it takes, airport angst, fear of flying, traffic jams, motorways and sea sickness? When the plane banks, does it feel like you're going to pass out? Can you not look out of the side windows of a car without feeling dizzy, even on the shortest of journeys? Do busy places make you feel anxious? Anything going at speed around you, whether it's when you're on a train or in a car or people walking fast around you, anything that confuses what speed you're actually moving at can bring it on.
Have you never particularly liked theme parks or rollercoasters? Going upside down is the worst thing you can do for balance and to disrupt BPPV as well, for obvious reasons.
Have you never liked, not enclosed places or due to claustrophobia, just places you can't get out of easily like planes, lifts and caves? Banking in planes makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. Lifts make me anxious. Caves are usually dark so see below.
Are you scared of the dark, or did you not get over your childhood fear of the dark until later in life? For me it was my 20s, was this why? No light means I have no means to orientate myself. The balance organ is the only thing you can rely on in the dark and mine is compromised.
Are you clumsy, always bumping into things, falling off curbs, up stairs...? Do you have to look straight ahead when walking, can you not look down or up or side to side? I can't count how many times I've injured myself or sprained my ankle because I haven't kept my head on an even keel, I've been looking at something up in the sky, behind or around me. Of course, again, bad things happen when you're not concentrating or concentrating on something other than walking, but you don't get dizzy generally.
Are you teetotal or near enough? I never really got into alcohol, apart from a brief misguided time as a 16-17 year old. Was it because the vertigo attacks were like being drunk, but without the nice bits? Why would I induce that, make it worse?
Question these symptoms and see what you come back with. You'd be surprised how many of us are wandering around with damaged vestibular organs and/or BPPV.
After seeing Elementaryfor the first time, I wasn't very impressed with it. It inspired me to write this blog post. However the recent rerun of Sherlock and a long hiatus until the next season has left a hole, a gaping void in my life which only Sherlock can fill. To bridge the gap between now and the time the third series airs on the 24th of November, I decided to watch Elementary to divert my attention; I know, but all this talk of Sherlock Holmes made me yearn for my Sherlock fix. I'm pleased I gave it another chance, though I may have been swayed by the stunning season finale, as it was more than diverting. Now I have a gap to fill again as I raced through the series, addicted you might say. So Elementary got me to thinking. There have been many permutations of Sherlock Holmes, what differentiates them? Where does Elementary fit in?
While nothing can compete with the triumvirate of Cumberbatch-Moffat-Freeman, Elementary holds its own. I reckon I simply saw a duff episode, which is unforgivable when you have a character like Sherlock Holmes to play with. Sherlock Holmes is a walking contradiction, a bunch of conflicting personality traits that shouldn't fit together but do. That is what makes him so fascinating, has made him a character for all time and someone who has inspired numerous adaptations.
Taken from my own perceptions of Sherlock Holmes, and those of my friend who is a big fan and wrote his undergraduate dissertation on the Arthur Conan Doyle books, here are Sherlock's key characteristics:
Ridiculously intelligent and extremely observant
Ignorant about society and contemporary culture
Lacks social or people skills
No regard for convention, the law or any sort of rules. That's a lie, he knows they're there, but to paraphrase Captain Jack Sparrow "he likes to wave at them as he passes by"
Lacks sympathy and empathy for others
Logical rather than emotional: objective
Intense and can have distinct tunnel vision
Arrogant and ambitious
Loyal and chivalrous
Impatient
Addictive personality, specifically puzzles, but also substances. He turns to them when he doesn't have a case
Can look after himself, mentally and physically
Sharp sense of humour
I can only comment on the Sherlock Holmes I have seen, so don't say I have missed out any; Sherlock Holmes is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most portrayed movie character. I am so going to seek out Sherlock Hound by Hayao Miyazaki now. I hope it is like Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds.
Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds
There are also the series that clearly take inspiration from Sherlock Holmes, but never reference it: Due South (intelligent but naive about the world, likes to sniff things, consultant to the police (though he is a mountie) Ray Vecchio is his Watson and there's even an Irene Adler figure), Monk(ridiculously intelligent and perceptive, no social skills, consultant to the police (though he is a former police officer), the Watson figure is a woman and he loves puzzles), New Tricks (Go with me on this one. James Bolam, Dennis Waterman and Alun Armstrong represent different elements of Sherlock's character and Amanda Redman is their Watson. Plus they're kind of consultants, but former police officers), Death in Paradise (who is Ben Miller's Richard Poole but Sherlock Holmes? (incredibly British, extremely intelligent, tunnel vision, lacking in social skills, uses chemistry to solve cases, stubborn adherence to his suit and Camille is his Watson. Though the way he wraps up the cases is very Agatha Christie), Diagnosis Murder (the doctor link, the consultant aspect, the friends who help him, the Lestrade figure in Norman and his son the detective) and Jonathan Creek (who has a lack of social skills, a level of intelligence and focus that amazes everyone, the showmanship of his magician background and his (female) helper(s). There's also Psych(comedy) and Perception(starring Will from Will and Grace), even Dirk Gently (by Douglas Adams) none of which I have ever seen.
Let's start from the beginning where it all began with the books by Arthur Conan Doyle. This may turn out to be too long and indulgent, don't dismiss it as tl;dr (too long didn't read). GAAS (get an attention span!). I'll make it worth your while: great pictures including some attractive people, a fantastic video, interesting opinions, I guarantee you'll learn something and there's also a complete backtrack on Elementary, as you've no doubt already noticed.
The books by Arthur Conan Doyle (1887)
The book
I have read the books by Arthur Conan Doyle and I will read them again and again and probably again. I have them in my 'to read' pile on my floor, which is copiously covered with books. No surprise there. They are the TV tie-in versions with Sherlock's Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman on the cover. I know, I wouldn't buy them normally, but...
People think they know Sherlock Holmes and the stories, but through the TV and film adaptations, the original Sherlock Holmes has been diluted and exaggerated and trivialised. However all the tropes are there: the pipe, the deerstalker, the violin, the coat, the chemistry experiments, Watson, Lestrade, Moriarty, Mycroft... He never says "Elementary my dear Watson" though. I won't cover anything else as you know it all, you wouldn't be reading this otherwise.
My favourite quote from Arthur Conan Doyle's books is: "You see, but you do not observe. The distinction is clear" from A Scandal in Bohemia.
Doctor Who (1963-)
I can find nothing to suggest The Doctor or Doctor Who was inspired by Sherlock Holmes. The only tenuous clue I have is that Conan Doyle's inspiration for Sherlock Holmes was a doctor. None of the original Who creators mentioned it. However they did say in the official Doctor Who Magazine that The Master, The Doctor's archenemy, is "Professor Moriarty to The Doctor's Sherlock Holmes." There are frequent references to Sherlock Holmes throughout Doctor Who and he has even appeared in person a few times. The most recent reference to Sherlock Holmes is Matt Smith's disguise in "The Snowmen" episode, though that was probably a Moffat in-joke.
I can only comment on new Who, when it was resurrected in 2005 by Verity Lambert and Russell T. Davies; I was too young for even Sylvester McCoy, let alone the Doctors who came before. I believe I did see Paul McGann in Doctor Who, but it was before I was interested. Give me a break, I was 12 and yet to become the real fan of things and too old to see it with child-like wonderment. I was an old soul, I think I'm aging backwards instead of forwards, not physically unfortunately. I would like the Time Lord power of generation. So my first Doctor was Christopher Eccleston: fantastic, mercurial and slightly manic. But my Doctor will always be David Tennant. I cried buckets after his "I don't want to go" moment; I was devastated and inconsolable. Blinded by the brilliance of the programme, it is only until recently that I have noticed that Sherlock Holmes and The Doctor are kindred spirits.
Just think about the similarities between Sherlock Holmes and The Doctor in their personalities never mind the storyline. The Doctor loves us humans and Earth, that's why he keeps returning to our planet, that and the budget constraints! He loves a mystery, a puzzle and adores the thrill of the chase. He is a complete polyglot speaking many Earth and alien languages, though the TARDIS helps with that. He is capable of coldheartedness, but his companion (Watson) always brings him back from the brink. However he seems to love popular culture, an example being discussing space's version of Big Brother in the episode "Bad Wolf". I reckon the cultural references are to relate to their audience rather than a deliberate plan to contradict the character. His sonic screwdriver allows him to break into lots of places, so he's a habitual trespasser! He adheres to moral codes and principles, but not rules. He also has a great sense of humour, something I miss with the current Doctor. Hopefully the excellent Peter Capaldi will bring the fun back. He is intensely enthusiastic and throws himself into things. Lastly, he is fiercely intelligent and perceptive, often notices when things aren't quite right, such as in "Tooth and Claw". This picture is from that episode, but it is just an excuse to include a picture of a library:
"Tooth and Claw"
His companions are clearly his Watsons and they ground him, make him more human. In that case, Martha must be a traditional Watson, the ultimate Watson being a doctor, intelligent, loyal and strong, perhaps the strongest New Who companion. Enthusiastic, empathetic and resourceful Rose would be not only Watson, but also Irene: The Woman. Forthright, compassionate and intuitive Donna is his mate, his friend. If it wasn't for Donna, The Doctor wouldn't even be alive as shown in the episode Turn Left. Clara is still an unknown quantity, but she seems to be a Watson for all time(s). If I have to include Amy and the fabulous Rory, I'd say Amy is the later Watson, independent with a husband/wife and life away from Sherlock. But they still get embroiled in the adventures, with the partner along for the ride. The TARDIS could be his 221B, his Watson, Irene or Lestrade, she fulfils all those functions; I call the TARDIS she now after Neil Gaiman's fantastic episode The Doctor's Wife. He investigates, he solves problems, he gets into danger and out of it again. The stakes may be higher (the universe), the scope more expansive (all of time and space) and the storylines more bombastic, but he is essentially solving mysteries, right from the beginning of New Who with Rose. His enemies are numerous, but The Master as mentioned before is his Moriarty. His enemies also represent elements of his personality, for instance the Daleks are his cool detachment.
I have a theory about Sherlock Holmes, that no matter who plays him and in whatever form he appears in, the fundamental aspects of his character remain intact. This can also be said of The Doctor. Whenever he regenerates, he may change his form, his personality may be altered and he may seem different, but underneath it all, he is the same man. The same can be said for any of the Sherlock personages I will describe in this blog post, none have been so corrupted that he is no longer Sherlock Holmes.
I could write more about Doctor Who, wax lyrical about the character, his adventures, Rose and Rory, Russell T. Davies and Torchwood; I'm extremely geeky on the subject. But I'll spare you as I have made my point. I may not like Matt Smith's interpretation of The Doctor and I much preferred the Russell T. Davies era of Doctor Who, but I agree with this comment from Steven Moffat, though not his use of the word god: "I always think of The Doctor oddly enough, strangely enough, as more human. He's like an angel who aspires to be human, whereas Sherlock Holmes is a human being who aspires to be a god. He's rejecting the very things that the Doctor embraces. But they sort of meet in the middle, because neither succeeds in their aspirations."
Plus he loves books!
Jeremy Brett (1984-1994)
I must confess, I haven't seen very much of Jeremy Brett's Sherlock Holmes, but I initially based my opinion on Elementary on one episode! I have since reneged on my view of Elementary; I was overly harsh.
Jeremy Brett has played Sherlock Holmes in several different productions, 41 in total: The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, The Sign of Four, The Return of Sherlock Holmes, The Hound of the Baskervilles, Mystery!, The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes and The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes.
Jeremy Brett and his Watson (David Burke)
He is the old school traditional Sherlock, as you can see from the picture. Brett was scrupulous about being faithful to the original stories, he extensively researched both Sherlock Holmes and Arthur Conan Doyle. He knew all about his subject, down to Sherlock's eating and drinking habits. He was obsessive about the role and it took over his life. If there's an incarnation of Sherlock Holmes that is a straight book to screen version, it's Jeremy Brett.
Basil the Great Mouse Detective (1986)
Any Disney fans out there will know where I'm coming from. Basil the Great Mouse Detective is an underrated masterpiece. It actually features Sherlock and Watson, but only briefly. Basil the mouse (clearly named after another great Sherlock: Basil Rathbone) lives in 221B Baker St. with Sherlock and Watson. He meets Dr. Dawson who becomes his personal biographer, there is a housekeeper called Mrs. Judson and a baddie named Professor Ratigan (his Moriarty). Basil has a pipe, plays the violin, uses chemistry to solve cases, loves disguises, can look after himself in a fight, has no social skills to speak of (Dawson is frequently shocked by his behaviour), there's a hound (but he's called Toby) and the films ends *SPOILER* with a fall. Don't worry, it's a Disney film, they wouldn't kill the hero (just their parents).
The darker aspects of Sherlock's nature are obviously hidden or excised, as it is a kid's film, but they have still kept the essential aspects so Basil still remains a true representation of Sherlock.
House (2004-2012)
Houseis an American TV show with American writers and a largely American cast (the gorgeous Jesse Spencer is Australian), but the Sherlock character is played by Hugh Laurie. The Hugh Laurie who has played Prince George in Blackadder, Wooster in Jeeves and Wooster and a very British cameo in Friends:
I could write an essay on Hugh Laurie, let alone about the hit TV series House. It is so obviously based on Sherlock Holmes. For a start, the man Sherlock Holmes was based on was a doctor, as I have mentioned before. House-Holmes, his friendship with Wilson-Watson, Cuddy-Irene/Lestrade and his addiction. He also lives in 221B and is played by a Brit, albeit with an American accent.
Gregory House has a conspicuously Holmesian personality: besides being incredulously intelligent and observant, he is socially inept almost misanthropic, abruptly honest, intense to the point of obsession (and sometimes beyond), loyal to the point of needy, cranky and impatient a famous curmudgeon, lazy when not on a case, egotistical and ambitious perhaps narcissistic, the list is almost complete. The only non-Holmesian attribute is his current awareness and love of popular culture: he adores soap operas. Conan Doyle's Sherlock liked to read the personal ads. His humour is especially Holmesian and British, sarcasm being the order of the day. Watson says of Sherlock: "There was a world of sarcasm in his voice as he spoke." Thank you to this guide for those attributes, as much as my own undying love for and knowledge of the show.
The intelligence House displays is also very Holmesian, he is a polyglot speaking several languages, he can concentrate on many things at once, frequently surprising people when they thought he wasn't listening, he adores music, playing the piano and guitar, organ and harmonica (because Laurie can play them) instead of the violin. He walks with a cane as he has a lame leg, but in Conan Doyle's books it is Watson with the leg injury.
The original House cast
He lives for finding out the mystery illness of his patients, solving the puzzle rather than healing the patient. In the early series, he didn't even like meeting his patients. Wilson says in one episode "Some doctors have the Messiah complex, they need to save the world. You've got the Rubiks complex, you need to solve the puzzle." However he won't take on cases he doesn't find interesting, something that is also true of Sherlock and other versions I will cover later like Patrick Jane.
House is a logical manipulator, sadistically playing games with his colleagues, a real prankster. He also lies to his patients to achieve his own ends: the series tagline is "Everybody lies". He attempts romance; he had one long-term relationship and there's his love interest in the series Lisa Cuddy, well... let's just say that relationship was fraught. She's as much a Lestrade as an Irene Adler, particularly as she's his boss, the dean of medicine, for much of the series. He frequently flouts the law: breaking and entering, trespassing and dalliances with prostitutes (one of his vices when he's bored, the same as in Elementary). He adheres to no moral mode of conduct, or any medical laws of ethics I know, a constant bugbear of Lisa Cuddy's who enables him most of the time anyway. In fact, House is very philosophical and likes to debate such matters.
His friendship with Wilson is central to the series. Wilson voluntarily sticks by the incorrigible House, with a few break-ups, especially after he ran over Wilson's foot. But they always come back to each other. The addiction to Vicodin is a major plotline in the early seasons of the show, but tellingly and true to Sherlock's character, House says, "I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem." ("Occam's Razor") Wilson is clearly House's Watson, but apart from the occasional advice, it is House's team which helps solve the cases.
Other Holmesian references are Jack Moriarty who shoots House in a season finale and Wilson makes references to Irene Adler when describing one of House's love interests. Lastly the series finale is straight out of Sherlock, but with a House twist.
Sorry, one more picture; I just love this one of Wilson and House; it sums up their relationship:
House and Wilson
The Mentalist (2008)
The Mentalist is also American with an American cast, but the Holmes character is played by Simon Baker, an Aussie with British characteristics. This one might not seem so obvious. The mentalist of the title is Patrick Jane (played by the unbelievably handsome Australian actor Simon Baker). He is a police consultant, like Holmes, who lives for solving crimes, mostly grisly murders. His arch enemy is Red John, who killed his wife and young daughter; Red John is Jane's Moriarty. He works closely with cop Teresa Lisbon, the Watson character and there are a number of Lestrades. Lisbon puts up with Jane, just as Watson puts up with Holmes and Wilson with House, with a sort of reluctant wonderment, frequently affronted but always loyal. Plus, he closes cases.
Jane is a former con man, a supposed "psychic". He uses his mentalist (think Derren Brown) tricks to help the police solve cases, such as cold reading (mind reading). Particular Holmesian traits are the memory palace and checking peoples' pulses by way of their wrist as they talk to see if they're lying, a potent moment in Sherlock in A Scandal in Belgravia. His powers of deduction through observation are reminiscent of Holmes. His con man past gives him a connection to the underworld just as Sherlock has his Baker St. Irregulars.
Patrick Jane
Patrick Jane is a cool puzzler. He has no friends, other than those he works with, and no social life. He is obsessed with finding and exacting revenge on Red John. Conan Doyle's Sherlock is theatrical; he loves donning disguises. Patrick Jane also has a flair for theatrics, invariably from his fairground and con man past, especially in the denouements.
He manipulates and plays games with his colleagues. He also tricks the suspects in the case, much like House and in Elementary. Subtly getting his own way all the time, Jane breaks laws in minor and major ways; he has broken people out of prison, hired burglars to break into houses and sets traps for suspects that are akin to... entrapment. He annoys his superiors thanks to the way he treats people, suspects and victims alike. He is a character full of light and shade, haunted by the death of his family, but capable of childish humour and meditative contentment.
Like House and Holmes, he solves the puzzle not the case. He doesn't like to get involved with people, he doesn't even like to be thanked. One notable exception is a case in the recent season about the disappearance of a child; Sherlock has an affinity with children.
Jane loves the simpler and finer things in life such as music, nature and the open air. He doesn't know much about contemporary culture. The only non-Holmesian trait is an aversion to violence. Plus Jane drinks tea whenever possible, a conspicuous link to the character's British roots?
Sherlock Holmes and A Game of Shadows (2009 and 2011)
I won't dwell too much on Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law as Holmes and Watson. Though you can below as they are very easy on the eyes:
The handsome Sherlock and Watson
Guy Ritchie has created a cockney wideboy of a Sherlock Holmes. This Sherlock is a playful child who loves tricks and games. He is the most physical of Sherlocks, a bit of a bruiser. This is something implied in the books, but never overtly described. In the first film, there is a scene where he's boxing. He also takes down a whole roomful of baddies after describing exactly how he's going to do it. This also happens in Sherlock.
Robert Downey Jr. plays variations on the same part across Tony Stark/Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes. They are both exceedingly intelligent after all with... difficult personalities. He is an incredible actor, with a huge range, but with Holmes and Stark there are quite a few similarities: the addiction, the bromance (Stark and Jarvis), the obsessive workaholic. The list is longer than you think. The love of music is there, the untidiness, Irene Adler (a miscast Rachel McAdams), Moriarty, Mycroft, the Reichenbach Fall, the Baker St. Irregulars, Mrs. Hudson, the experiments...
However this adaptation is about Watson and Holmes; thanks to Jude Law's and Robert Downey Jr's chemistry what we get is a wonderful bromance.
Sherlock (2010-)
I can write about Sherlock forever and a day, and get carried away talking about Benedict Cumberbatch. Sherlock is difficult to describe as there is so much to it, despite there being only 6 episodes. There are also so many good pictures out there, but this one sums the show up and Cumberbatch's Sherlock:
He is a child, petty and spoilt and a slave to his perceptive powers. He's given to sulking, to impetuosity and to sheer laziness. He has no social skills and the main role of Watson is to humanise Sherlock, bring him up on his faults, make him more like us, a better person. At least, he tries...
As Caitlin Moran has said in a Times article that Sherlock is "fast, dark and insanely charismatic - he kicked the door in, off its hinges, and didn't stop for the next 90 minutes... There was a definite rock-star element to this Holmes." Incidentally Moran is the one who described Cumberbatch's powerful, lilting, glorious voice as being "like a jaguar hiding in a cello". Like Caitlin Moran's writing, this adaptation is endlessly quotable. In the last episode alone we had: "death frisbee" (the deerstalker), "not our division" (Lestrade) and the heartbreakingly delivered final speech from Watson; you can't listen to it without crying, it concisely sums up what Sherlock means to Watson.
If previous Sherlock Holmes productions have been all about him, Sherlock is a two-hander, especially in the second season. There is the bromance between Sherlock and Watson, where Martin Freeman quietly steals the scene from under Cumberbatch's more showy performance. There is also the Moriarty-Sherlock relationship, exemplified by the tea scene in the second season finale.
They are very careful to modernise Holmes, to bring him bang up-to-date. Even the Robert Downey Jr Holmes is modernised, using hints of steampunk to represent the industrial advancements of the Victorian age Sherlock belongs to. There is Watson's blog instead of writing Holmes' memoirs or biography, the frequent use of mobile phones and computers, even texts as a visual device, there's Holmes' three-patch-problem instead of his pipe, the show is completely littered with them. The way they display Sherlock's mind, the mind palace for example, is brilliant.
You can find some great pictures, memes and screencaps, especially on Pinterest. Here is my "I am Sherlocked" board. But you cannot do better than the programme itself. So here's a great video, which also happens to sum the show up. It's not the sheet bit, sorry:
Then there's the episodes, there are only 6 of them so far so we can run through them. In the first season we had:
A Study in Pink which bears direct comparison to A Study in Scarlet. It keeps the word RACHE (revenge, but in Pink it's for Rachel) scrawled by the murder victim, the two pills plot device (surely The Princess Bride took this device and then Sherlock referenced The Princess Bride? My favourite film could hold the key to understanding it!) and the aneurysm of the killer. There is a lost phone instead of a ring, Sherlock analyses John's phone instead of his pocket watch and as a first episode it's immaculate. Caitlin Moran is right, it comes out all guns blazing. There's no hint of any lack of confidence, apt as we're talking about Sherlock Holmes.
The Blind Banker is probably the weakest of all Sherlock episodes. It's an amalgamation of The Valley of Fear (book references), The Adventure of the Dancing Men (pictorial messages) and The Sign of Four (murder in a locked room accessible by climbing through a window and a killer with small feet). The story doesn't get going until about halfway through so it doesn't have the same impact, but it's hard to follow such a pilot.
The Great Game takes inspiration from many of Conan Doyle's stories. It features the first appearance of Moriarty, a storming performance from Andrew Scott and a truly compelling plot. Moffat and Gatiss really like to play games with their audience and adore complex storylines; Matt Smith's tenure as The Doctor is a case in point. It is fine in small doses such as here, but anything longer and they may lose their audience, such as which arguably began to happen in Doctor Who.
In the second series, elements of Sherlock's character are played upon:
A Scandal in Belgravia is again directly taken from a Conan Doyle story, in fact all of the second season episodes are taken from the most famous Sherlock Holmes stories. In this case, it's A Scandal in Bohemia. However there are references to many other cases. The death investigated is a reference to The Boscombe Valley Mystery. Here we have the first and only appearance so far of Irene Adler; I'm sure she'll be back, especially as (Guy of Gisborne's sister from BBC's Robin Hood) Lara Pulver did such a good performance. Modernisms include the camera phone instead of actual photos as the blackmail article. Sherlock's sexuality is challenged in this episode, especially by Irene Adler.
The Hounds of Baskerville is a slight derivation on The Hound of the Baskervilles. The word hound itself becomes extremely important to the story. It is a conspiracy story of which all representations of Sherlock are fascinated. Being Human's Russell Tovey gives the best guest performance of the entire series of a man slowly going insane, haunted by his past. In case you were wondering, the harpoon moment has precedent; it's from The Adventure of Black Peter. Sherlock's lack of emotion is challenged, particularly his fear or lack of it.
The Reichenbach Fall references the title of the biggest Sherlock story: The Final Problem. The meaning of Reichenbach is explored, literally in terms of the word and metaphorically. Richard Brook (a literal translation of reichenbach) is the instigator of the fall, the painting of the Reichenbach waterfall features at the beginning and becomes the symbol of the case that made him, again a literal as well as metaphorical fall. Cumberbatch's own character John Harrison in the fabulous Star Trek: Into Darkness owes a few favours to Sherlock and this episode, especially the storyline: doing anything to save his crew. Molly, whose unrequited love of Sherlock has been one of the programme's highlights, finally gets her moment. We just won't find out until November the 24th. Sherlock as a person is completely taken apart, by Moriarty.
Sherlock's coat
As a last comment, there is so much hype out there about Sherlock, about Cumberbatch and about the bromance between Sherlock and Watson. Seriously, do not go on tumblr; there are so many memes. The fandom has been going crazy, comparing Sherlock to an otter and Watson to a hedgehog, odes to Sherlock's coat and fan fiction, fan videos and Photoshop. They have even been playing on the fact that Martin Freeman is Bilbo Baggins and Cumberbatch is Smaug the dragon in The Hobbit(Tolkien is another of my geeky obsessions). Not to mention how seemingly the entire western hemisphere is trying to work out *SPOILER* how Sherlock is still alive, driven into a frenzy by Moffat's taunting comment that there is one small thing that's out of character we've all missed that signifies how he did it. It may be too soon to say, but it has started to take away from the show itself and as a result Sherlock Holmes. Everyone has gone into paroxysms of delight over the teaser trailer shown after the recent rerun of season 2: Watson has a moustache! How can season 3 live up to the hype?
So forget all of that, forget that Cumberbatch is now global property, forget that Moffat is simultaneously running two of the biggest shows Britain has ever produced, forget that Freeman is now part of one of the most famous film trilogies of all time. Forget that there are those who hope that Sherlock and Watson declare their love for each other, forget that there are those who hope Sherlock and Molly get together, forget that there may have been homoerotic undertones to Moriarty's interest in Sherlock. Forget all of that, but don't forget that Sherlock Holmes is not a god, not an alien and not a legend; he is just a man underneath it all.
He is relatable as a person; another quote which is of particular meaning to me is: "My mind is like a racing engine, tearing itself to pieces because it is not connected up with the work for which it was built." The Man with the Twisted Lip.
Elementary (2012-)
I have completely changed my view of Elementary, after seeing more than one episode; never judge a book by its cover and never judge a TV series on one episode, especially if it's the pilot as they tend to go all out budget, plot and action-wise. The same can be said of season finales, which may have affected my judgement of Elementary somewhat. Johnny Lee Miller makes the part his own, but what he is doing in such a production I don't know. Especially after, in a weird link, he had just finished acting with Benedict Cumberbatch, star of Sherlock, as Frankenstein and the Monster, alternately, in Danny Boyle's recent stage production. How can he compare with Benedict's lauded performance? Miller is an underrated actor who hasn't lived up to his early heady heyday of Trainspotting(he was also pretty good as the male lead in Mansfield Park and with Robert Carlyle again in Plunkett and Macleane). His is an interesting interpretation, and a gutsy one. It may be an American show, but his performance is pure British: subtle, cerebral and like House, despite the long speeches, saying more with a look than a word. However there is a distinct lack of chemistry, humour and fun. They do like to play with the Sherlock tropes (like Sherlock); he torches his violin in one scene (probably because Johnny Lee Miller can't play it, unlike Cumberbatch). He talks through the case at people, to a phrenology head rather than a skull, and has epiphanies, in much the same way Sherlock and House do. He breaks the law in the same way as other Sherlocks as well, breaking and entering (well, not quite), entrapment and so on. But there is something missing: atmosphere.
Sherlock loves puzzles, it's a compulsion, he loves proving he's superior to everyone else and shows off, in more or less subtle ways. This Sherlock is downcast and deadbeat, morose and depressed. There's no light in him, no spark. Sherlock is haunted, tormented by his own mind, but he has a lot of light and shade. Johnny Lee Miller's Sherlock is all shade. He's as shaded as a shady thing in Shadeville... You get my drift. He is broken, full of rage and anger. He's prone to sudden outbursts of violence. He is a rough Sherlock covered with tattoos (hidden meanings or just Miller's?) and wearing trampy clothes; no suits or long smart coats for this Sherlock.
Miller's Sherlock has all the essential elements: no social skills, abrupt and intense, obsessive to the point of forgetting to eat and sleep, tic-ridden and tunnel-visioned. They really show the impact of Sherlock's nature on his body: hooded eyes with dark bags underneath, pallid skin, everyone tells him he looks terrible, aches and pains, hunched back and then at the end after solving the case, falling instantly asleep exhausted. He admits that his mind causes him pain. He is real, a living breathing Sherlock Holmes. He just seems like someone you could meet in real life, more so than other Sherlocks. Previous incarnations of Sherlock, those mentioned above, they are superhuman in comparison, never seeming to need sleep or food, recovering immediately. Although they appear to have given this Sherlock superhuman powers of prediction. Sherlock can predict human behaviour, but the scoreline of a baseball game? It's a touch too far, unless he has been taking tips from Dynamo. Sherlock only has 3 episodes a season, there's only 2 hours to play with in a film and Elementary has a lot of space with 24 episodes to a season, so they have the luxury of time.
The latest Sherlock and Watson (nice socks)
Sherlock has always been superior to every other person in the room, except perhaps if it contains Moriarty or Mycroft. This Sherlock appears deferential and he isn't doing it for effect. He seems to be a hired consultant to the police, instead of helping them out to sate his own needs and desires. He's working for them instead of with them, unlike Sherlock and House he's not deigning to grace them with his presence. He has a whole different attitude. Something has broken him, he doesn't have the same superiority complex anymore. I expect this will change after the events of the first season finale... He's still doing it for the love of it, and is realising that Watson loves it too.
The relationship between Watson and Sherlock is wrong, interesting, but still wrong. Taking out the fact that Watson is now a woman; an interesting idea and not something I'm against, but only if it's done right which it is in adaptations I've already mentioned later; the dynamic is off. She's been appointed to him, they didn't meet by chance and become flatmates and friends, like all other interpretations covered here. Again, changing elements of the story is not bad, but it means Watson is no longer there because she/he wants to be. That changes later, she chooses to stay. But the dynamic has already been set; it is only through time with him rather than from the first meeting that she makes her decision, not straight off. This changes essential characteristics of Watson as well as Sherlock. However I do like the increased role of Watson; they're actually using her medical expertise, she's there as his sober companion to keep him on the straight and narrow and she's helping with finding clues, so much so that Sherlock takes her on as an apprentice; he calls them partners, not equals mind you, no one could be the equal of Sherlock, but they are more of a duo than every other Sherlock I know. She's more involved than even Martin Freeman's Watson. She wasn't in the army and has no injury, but she is scarred. There's a good line that's stuck in my memory. Sherlock: "I was the one who listened last night, and I heard someone who was willing to accommodate the difficult process of a difficult person for the greater good. It’s a rare quality, in my experience. I may even listen to you again in the future. Not your sobriety twaddle, of course. Just your thoughts on cases." Elementary is not about Sherlock or even Sherlock and Watson, it's about Watson.
Sherlock is undergoing treatment for his addiction, the reason for Watson's presence. Sherlock only succumbs to his addiction when he is distressed, hasn't got a case or is at the height of a case to help him think. It's not a permanent fixture in his life. He's a functional addict. Any treatment he undergoes is concerned help from Watson, Mycroft or Mrs. Hudson. He has instigated his treatment in Elementary. This would never happen as it is difficult, nigh on impossible, for Sherlock to admit he is wrong, as well as House and Patrick Jane. Seeing a Sherlock with emotions and feelings seems distinctly American to me. It is a stereotype, but he should have a stiff upper lip. You cannot Americanise Sherlock without losing something fundamental from his character. Miller's playing him with an English accent, British humour (sarcastic, I love it!) and frequent references to London, but the writing is American. Before you say "But House and The Mentalist are American", I have already addressed that. Like Downey Jr, this is a physical Sherlock. There's a bit of nudity too, Miller has a great torso. Some more of that Cumberbatch, please! Though the no sheet Sherlock scene in Buckingham Palace was very... ahem.
You're welcome
Lastly, with Watson being a woman, they have added a romantic dimension. Sherlock is not interested in women that way, never has been, not even Irene Adler. Though they have made their relationship in Elementary explicit. It leads to a wonderful speech: "She eclipses and predominates the whole of her gender. She is The Woman." When Sherlock says it in A Scandal in Bohemia, he uses the word sex instead of gender. He may not even be interested in Watson in Elementary that way, but it is the elephant in the room; it has to be addressed and was in the first episode I saw. In the same episode, he propositioned a woman, who happened to be played by Lisa Edelstein, Lisa Cuddy from House, which I have already covered. After seeing the pilot episode, it was even more obvious. The first meeting between Watson and Sherlock involved a prostitute and Sherlock declaring his undying love for Watson. Maybe they're taking inspiration from House. It shocked Watson so much she dropped her bag on the floor, spilling her belongings everywhere. This allowed Sherlock to analyse her, which was perhaps his intention? Saying he had fallen in love with Watson at first sight was part of one of this Sherlock's memory techniques; he was watching an episode of some soap opera and repeating a speech he had just heard, word for word. However it made Watson look at Sherlock in a romantic way, she couldn't help it, no one could if someone had just said a speech like that to them. Sexual tension between Watson and Sherlock? It's just plain wrong. I know that the tumblrsphere likes to do that with Sherlock, creating a romance between Freeman and Cumberbatch, and Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat play up to that in the scripts, but it isn't there. Sherlock and Watson's relationship is a deep friendship, the kind forged in the trenches, it's romantic in a platonic way.
A Sherlock interested in sex? Sherlock maintains he's above normal human emotions, he doesn't submit to fear, love or even lust. By doing so, they have fundamentally changed the character of Sherlock. Like House and The Mentalist, they should have changed his name and used Sherlock as inspiration, instead of creating an adaptation set in America and the contemporary world. Miller's Sherlock is a modern-day Sherlock, a combination of House and Sherlock, irascible, sarcastic and manipulative, with a sense of physicality we haven't quite seen before. I sound like I didn't enjoy Elementary, I did. I really did. But it cannot be compared to any other Sherlock Holmes adaptation, which is a good thing. Irene Adler's story especially is a doozy, she's played by Natalie Dormer who's fantastic in the part. Elementary takes Sherlock Holmes to somewhere it has never been before. It may seem radical, revolutionary even; I can see the Holmes scholars up in arms. But to me it was perfect. It was one of those things that clicked into place and you're sitting there thinking, why has that never been thought of before? It's so simple yet so right.
There is room for all different adaptations of Sherlock Holmes, you can't go wrong with a character like Sherlock. Some people love Holmes for the detective stories. Moriarty says to Sherlock in Elementary, you like the puzzle, I like the game. This suggests that Dr. Gregory House and Patrick Jane are their own worst enemies as they like both. I like Sherlock Holmes stories because I find him fascinating, possibly because I see in him elements of myself. Not his brilliance, I'm nowhere near arrogant enough to believe that, but, to quote Elementary: "Every task, every interaction, no matter how seemingly banal, has the potential to contain multitudes. I live my life alert to this possibility."
"Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower, or a, a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell musty and, and, and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer is a... it, uh, it has no... no texture, no, no context. It's, it's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then, then the getting of knowledge should be, uh, tangible, it should be, um, smelly." Rupert Giles, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
