13 Reasons Why...

...I have to talk about 13 Reasons Why. I hate to add to the clamour around this TV series, but I have some very personal reasons why I want to talk about it.

In case you haven't heard of it, which you may not have as it's on Netflix, it's about schoolgirl Hannah who has committed suicide, but she created a series of tapes detailing the 13 reasons why she did it. Those tapes are given to the people in chronological order who contributed to those reasons and then passed on to the next person.

What I should have said

The best fiction holds a mirror up to your own life and some parts were a little too close for comfort, but ultimately in a good way. While I didn't go through exactly what Hannah went through, some of the earlier reasons; they get increasingly more dramatic; are only slight variations on what happened to me at school. Like Hannah, I was bullied. It started with a person I trusted who turned against me, just like Hannah. Like her I was alienated and through one person bullying me, it spread. All it takes is one person to start as it permits others to do the same. I was bullied for 6 years, non-stop. One constant bully and several others along the way, usually name-calling, taking my stuff, blocking my path, goading and teasing. The usual, for girls anyway. It only once turned physical, but I backed down. I should have done more to stand up for myself, sure. But when it's every day and seemingly anyone, it has a way of grinding you down; which is what happens to Hannah at the end; she is defeated.

What could have been

So here are my 13 reasons why I am talking about 13 Reasons Why, if you haven't seen it yet, I've avoided any spoilers:

1. It has got everyone talking about mental health and teenage suicide, which can only be a good thing as it is an increasing issue.
2. However one of those conversations is about the controversial decision to show the suicide. There are trigger warnings, a bit like the warnings given before footage which contain flashing lights, but for people with mental health problems, not epileptics. I know why they showed it as they wanted to portray the full story and be emotionally honest. My opinion on this has changed since, after I finished the series, I saw the latest Supernatural episode which showed someone trying to kill herself in the exact same way as Hannah and I doubt there were any trigger warnings, at least 13 Reasons Why did it responsibly.

   

   An excuse to show the stars of Supernatural, I still love you

3. I believe that if the series were shown in schools, it could change things. In the wake of Hannah's suicide, the school and parents were talking about warning signs, how to identify if someone is struggling. We need to be more aware as this is a problem that's only getting worse.
4. It could also change attitudes. Hannah's suicide was not about one thing, it rarely is; it was a series of 13 things. Some of the reasons seem insignificant, but it all builds up. It will hopefully make people realise by calling someone names, by spreading rumours, by physically attacking someone, it can have a significant effect, whether you intended it to or not. It may make people kinder. I confronted my bully years later over Facebook and she said she didn't realise that what she was doing was having such an impact on me, despite my parents reporting her to the school, but anyway. Plus she even bullied my Mum, a 10-year old bullying an adult! Many of the reasons Hannah details are instances of bullying. However bullying isn't just about the people involved, the bullies and the victims, it is also about the people who stand by and do nothing. One of the biggest themes of 13 Reasons Why is it not just about what people do to Hannah, it's about what people don't do.

   

   Rumours spreading

5. Communication is key. Many of the scenes are heartbreaking and frustrating and excruciating as it really gets inside the characters' heads. You know exactly what the characters aren't saying, start to say and stop. Meanwhile you're screaming at the screen "just say it!"

   

   Exactly

6. 13 Reasons Why is all about the characters. Some of them are superb and complex like Tony who is an unhelpful Yoda, Clay the lovely character we follow, Justin who seems like the stereotypical jock who is anything but, Jessica the least typical screen cheerleader you could ever meet and seemingly sweet Zach who appears to be the breakout actor of the series. Thanks to these characters, the programme isn't only about suicide and bullying, it's about addiction, alienation, sexual assault, alcoholism, peer pressure, family dysfunction and self harm.

   

   Tony with his beloved car

7. However some of the characters are stereotypes: the arrogant creative Ryan, the nerdy bitter Tyler, the entitled rich kid Bryce, the tormented goth Skye and the determined future and reputation-obsessed Courtney and Marcus.
8. The character of Hannah is extremely familiar to me. When I saw her handwriting and her brief foray into creative writing, it was almost identical to mine at her age. I think she is one of the main reasons why this show has made such an impression; you identify with her so strongly. But we only get to know her through the tapes and flashbacks.
9. The cinematography and the way they interweave the storylines are extremely effective; merging the past and present together on screen was incredibly poignant. However the soundtrack is the best thing; the music choices, it's... well it has to be heard in context. If I listed the songs and you listened to them, they wouldn't have the same impact.

   

   Music is integral

10. It has made me realise how well I coped through it all. It was only when the bullying stopped that my anxiety started! It took me a while to work out why, but when I looked at the differences between my life and Hannah's, there are 3 reasons why what happened to her wouldn't have happened to me, if it had escalated, if it had got worse. The first is family. Hannah is an only child and her parents are well-meaning and they clearly love her, but their attention is elsewhere. I have 3 brothers and my parents always put us kids first and as soon as they realised what was happening to me, they did something. It worked, for a while, and then she started up again; schools can be useless when it comes to bullying, but I will not accept that it's just part of school life.

    

    We should all have friends like Tony

11. The second is friends, or at least a friend. I had one friend who stuck by me, when the first bully turned everyone else against me. Hannah had no one at the end; the friends she had made deserted her. There was one person who could have been a proper friend, but he was inaffectual. One of my bullies apologised, years later of course, and if he didn't become a friend, he at least gave me a lollipop as a peace offering, while he was drunk and at a nightclub.
12. The last is interests. Hannah isn't sporty or academic and when she tries to have outside interests, they come to nothing. I had my books. I loved to learn. I had things I was doing outside school. Because all Hannah had was school and home and work, nothing that gave her any real enjoyment, the things that happened to her became everything.

    

    Technology makes it easy

13. Hannah's story takes place now. When I was bullied, it happened before the age of social media, mobile phones and the internet. Mobile phones in particular play an integral part in Hannah's downfall. I don't know what would have happened to me if I had to go through what I went through now. The teasing and name-calling wouldn't have just happened in the playground, in the classroom and on my way home, it would have come by text message and on social media. Photos would have been taken and shared around. Rumours would have been spread almost instantly. There would have been no escape; I had safe places like the library at school and my home, but now, there is nowhere safe.

The tapes

Like Clay, who added a 14th tape, a final reason or at least an expansion on one of the reasons, I'm adding one final reason why 13 Reasons Why is important to me and that's because it has finally allowed me to let go of it all; it helped me work through it. I had inklings as to the reasons why the people who bullied me did it; troubles at home like Justin who's bullied himself; loneliness like Bryce; just trying to fit in like Jessica; fear like Courtney; and ambition like Ryan. But I now understand better the culture that allows bullying to happen, why people turn away when they can help, why they do nothing instead of something. One of my favourite quotes has been doing the rounds recently because of the political landscape right now and it seems apt here too: "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Edmund Burke. Don't be the person who does nothing.

You said it Clay