Just write too

Trust

Tells you what you want to hear

Tells you what you don’t want to hear

Doesn’t tell you what you should hear

Need to hear

Anxiety tells you your worst fears

Anxiety makes it so you can’t see the way forward

Anxiety is afraid of the future

Fears uncertainty

Depression tells you your worst thoughts about yourself

Depression makes you feel as nothing is worthwhile

Depression dwells on the past so you can’t live

Only exist

The voice of conscience is a liar

It makes it so all you can see is you

It colours the world so you can’t see through

Can’t see the truth

Everything is all or nothing

Everything is always and never

Everything is black and white

No shades of grey

You can’t trust your mind

You can’t trust your body

You can’t trust yourself

You can’t trust it

Mental health

I Weigh

A wonderful, patient and supportive family

Against a head full of thoughts that weigh me down 

The powerful resilience of half a lifetime living with daily anxiety

With the burden of a chronic illness, dizziness and vertigo

The need to express myself creatively

Alongside the frustration of unrealised potential

An ability to lose myself in books, films and TV

Beside a crippling lack of confidence and doubt

An insatiable curiosity and need to learn

Yet the knowledge it can never be fulfilled

A compassionate and empathetic nature

That comes with the burden of womanhood

Wide and wonderful hips

Together with a skewed self-image

My job, my vocation: a profession and a passion

Unmatched by a wearying personal loneliness

I weigh up a life full of contradictions

Dreamcatcher

We all need someone to catch us when we fall, but for most of us, the only person we can rely on is ourselves. Physical falls can be embarrassing, painful and potentially devastating, but time heals or allows us to become accustomed. Mental falls are hard to see, harder to deal with and can become physical, but they can be managed. Emotional falls are incapacitating, all-consuming and all-encompassing, but usually momentary either in the moment or for a period of time.

There are people to go to for aid: medical professionals, family and friends. However, we let our dreams fall every day. We nurture them, build them up and work towards them. We look for people to help us realise them and some may succeed. Yet, the vast majority simply let them go. They drift unchecked from our lives. They are thrown to the ground in frustration and anger and disgust. They are lain tenderly to rest and then abandoned.

But what if there was someone there to catch them for you, keep them until you have need of them again, care for them while you make yourself ready for them? From the smallest that is barely visible to the human eye, to the biggest that sucks the oxygen out of the room. From the brightest that is full of hope, to the dimmest that is a fleeting thought. From the fullest that has physical presence, to the merest wisp of a thing. All are caught, captured and maintained, waiting for when all promise is lost and they fade away into the void of broken dreams, or they are taken up again, life is brought back into them and they are introduced to the world. What if there were a catcher of dreams?